How Doctor Strange Should Have Ended

How Doctor Strange Should Have Ended

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Kaecilius: Okay. We've snuck into Marvel's School for Kung-Fu Witchcraft and Wizardry. Now let's go steal some unprotected books of power, shall we?

Follower: (making a portal) Mr. Kaecilius, I've already got this sling ring going into the library.

Kaecilius: Oh.

Follower: I can just take the book right now. Should I grab it?

Kaecilius: Uh, sure. I guess.

Follower: (gets the book) These sling rings sure are handy.

Kaecilius: Yes, they are.

Follower: I mean, when you think about it, we didn't even need to walk through this courtyard.

Kaecilius: No, I guess not.

Follower: (showing The Eye of Agamoto) Hey, and there's an Infinity Stone just sitting here unattended as well. You want that too?

Kaecilius: Holy crap, yes!

Cue title. We then cut to Strange driving along that highway, talking on the phone.

Stephen: Hey, Frank, what have ya got for me?

Frank: Oh, I got some doozies. Are you ready?

Stephen: (after driving past a car) No. You know what? Texting and driving at high speeds on a winding road at night is a really really bad idea. I'll call you back in five minutes, okay?

Frank: Okay.

Stephen hangs up and starts humminng.

Stephen: ♪Driving responsibly cause I'm so smart! And I like my hands! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!♪

Fast forward to Strange trapping Kaecilius.

Doctor Strange: Why are you smiling? Do you think that's funny?

Kaecilius: What's funny... is that you've lost your sling ring.

A follower throws a mirrorglass spear at Strange... only for Strange to be saved by The Cloak of Levitation.

Doctor Strange: Ha-ha! Thanks, Cloak.

Cloak wraps itself around the follower's face and proceeds to bang him against the walls.

Doctor Strange: Looks like you guys are no match for The Cloak of Levita-.

Cloak snaps the follower's neck.

Doctor Strange: Whoa, Cloak! Too far!

Fast forward to The Nurse from previous Superhero HISHE's standing in a room when Doctor Strange's astral form floats by.

Doctor Strange: Excuse me please.


Fast forward to Wong in China's Sanctum, preparing to hold off Kaecilius.

Wong: They are going to attack The Sanctum. Choose your weapons wisely.

Kaecilius and his two remaining followers walk out of a portal in the streets of Hong Kong... and Kaecilius gets shot in the head by Wong, who picked a handgun.

Wong: Yes! Ha-ha! Wong! (gets awarded Cloak)

Fast forward to the best scene in the movie.

Doctor Strange: Dormammu, I've come to bargain!


Doctor Strange: Leave Earth, take your eye make-up followers with you, and never come back!

Dormammu: OKAY, FINE!

Kaecilius and his remaining followers get sucked into The Dark Dimension.

Doctor Strange: Y'know, they really should put the warnings at the beginning of the-. (gets crushed by Dormammu's fist)


Fast forward to the ending. Stephen and Wong stand before The Eye of Agamoto.

Wong: Well, you saved The Earth but there will be more dangers to come. Word of The Ancient One's death will spread throughout the multiverse. Earth has no Sorcerer Supreme to defend it.

Doctor Strange: (getting an idea) Ah yes, if only we had a device that could reverse things that are damaged...

Wong: (catching on) No.

Doctor Strange: Yes.

Wong: No!

Doctor Strange: Yes!


Cut to later in The Super Cafe.

Doctor Strange: So I resurrected The Ancient One.

Ancient One: Hello~!

Batman: Hey, I'm Batman. Heard you like to dabble in The Dark Dimension. You wanna dabble in The Dark Knight Dimension?

Ancient One: Oh, you poor man.

Batman: Hehe, I'm not poor.

Superman: So you reversed time to save the world and someone special who died.

Doctor Strange: Yes. Yes, I did. And I also fixed London, and I fixed my hands. I even rescued Batman from being devoured by a high-pitched talking shark-.

Batman: NO!

Superman: What?

Batman: That didn't-! Nevermind!

Superman: I see...

Doctor Strange: Yeah, this little Infinity thingy sure does alot.

Superman: I love turning back time to rescue others. It's so convenient. And now that you've got that magic necklace, you can pretty much save everyone.

Batman: You could save Quicksilver.

Doctor Strange: Yep.

Superman: All the people who died in Sokovia.

Doctor Strange: Uh-huh.

Batman: You could save Vision when he gets that gem ripped out of his head.

Vision: (appearing outside) What did you say?

Batman: Oh! Noting.

Vision leaves.

Superman: With magic, you can save everything!

Ancient One: Oh, I'm afraid there are great consequences when one messes with the fabric of time.

Doctor Strange: Like what though?

Mordo: (wearing an apron, and carrying a coffee jug) The bill always comes due!

Dramatic pause.

Mordo: (handing them a bill) That will be $12.50.

Doctor Strange: Mordo? What are you doing waiting tables?

Mordo: Too many sorcerers!

Dramatic pause.

Mordo: And, obviously, I had to get a job after I quit. (leaving) Not being a sorcerer sucks.

Batman: Don't worry. Please, let me pay for this.

Not putting his mug down, Batman struggles to get money out of his wallet. He drops it and unlimited cash pours out, including a Bat Credit Card. Never leave The Cave without it.

Batman: Whoopsies. I'm sorry. I have so much money. Do you know why?

Superman: Because your parents were rich?


The end.

Cut to The Dark Dimension. Thanos is making jokes about Dormammu, in front of Dormammu and his worshippers.

Thanos: Dormammu is so fat, everywhere he goes becomes The Dark Dimension.

Kaecilius and his followers: Woooooooooooooooo!

Dormammu: I HATE YOU GUYS.