Captain America: Civil War Alternate HISHE

Transcript
Open with after the battle between Cap and Bucky vs Stark after finding out Bucky killed Stark's parents.

Iron Man: That shield doesn't belong to you. You don't deserve it. My father made that shield! (Cap stops, raises his chin, then drops the shield and walks away with Bucky's arm around his shoulder)

Cue title, then begin with Iron Man's suit broken from the fight earlier.

Iron Man: Well crap... How am I gonna get home? Cap? My suit's broken. Hello? Are you just gonna leave me here? (Panther walks in with Zemo) Oh, Panther, buddy, you're here! And you caught Zebra?

Baron Zemo: Zemo!

Iron Man: Whatever. Hey can you give me a lift? My suit's kind of busted because...

Baron Zemo: Captain America beat you to pieces?

Black Panther: How did you lose to Captain America?

Iron Man: He punches realy hard, okay? Look, if you don't help me, I am stuck here.

Black Panther: Don't you have a satellite that can save you?

Iron Man: Look, I've had an extremely emotional day. I don't wanna wait for Veronica. It's freezing! Can you give me a lift or not?

Black Panther: Uhhhhhhh...

Iron Man: Cone on? Come on?

Later on the jet, Zemo, and Stark are cramped.

Iron Man: Seriously, not one extra seat?!

Black Panther: Would you prefer to sit in the cargo hold?

Iron Man: Maybe! I didn't know you were trying to be Batman up in here.

Black Panther: I am nothing like Batman.

Iron Man: Look, I thought you were a king... don't you have like an entourage or something? I expected more from you, Panther.

Black Panther: Are you always like this after you have been beaten in a battle that you should have had no problem winning?

Iron Man: I was outnumbered, you know.

Baron Zemo: That is so sad for you. Was that your first time to be outnumbered?

Iron Man: You keep outta this, Zebra!

Baron Zemo: It is Zemo!

Iron Man: Whatever, this is all your fault you know.

Baron Zemo: (laughing) I know it is, and it is glorious!

Iron Man: You son of a... I'll kill you! (begins to fight Zemo)

Baron Zemo: Get away from me! Get over here!

Black Panther: Ugh, stop! (realigns the position of the jet) That is it! Ugh after this, I'm joining Team Captain America.

Iron Man: Aw man! (as Zemo laughs) I hate you, Zelda.

Baron Zemo: It's Zemo!

The End.