How The Suicide Squad Should Have Ended

Transcript
We open with Peacemaker and Bloodsport shooting at each other and Bloodsport's bullet going through/destroying Peacemaker's bullet and wounding the patriotic villain.

Peacemaker: How?

Bloodsport: Smaller bullets.

Peacemaker drops dead... and then Bloodsport pulls out his big gun.

Bloodsport: And, because I'm thorough, a few bigger bullets just to be sure.

Bloodsport then blows Peacemaker to pieces. Cue Ratcatcher arriving.

Ratcatcher: Okay, he's really dead now.

Bloodsport: HAHA! Now who's the one that's dope as...?

Cue Ratcatcher's rat appearing on Bloodsport's shoulder, spooking the crap out of the guy.

Bloodsport: (running away in terror) OH MY GOSH, IT'S A RAT! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF!

The Suicide Squad: How It Should Have Ended

Our antihero team are surrounding by the army under the control of Starro The Conqueror.

Starro Controlled Soldier: This city is mine!

Starro: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH-!!!

Suddenly, Starro is dragged into the skies/space by...

Superman: I'm not in the ICU anymore!

Starro Controlled Army: What are you doing?!

Superman: Getting you off this planet! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand go back to space!

Supes throws Starro towards The Sun. Tears form in the creature's eyes as it floats towards the burning star. Back on Earth.

Superman: Bye bye now.

Starro Controlled Army: Thank you.

They all drop dead (I think?). The Suicide Squad look confused by this surprise turn of events.

Bloodsport: What the cuss?

We cut to later in The Super Cafe.

Batman: So you saved the day?

Superman: Yeah, I saw this giant starfish monster stomping around all over on the television and I was like, uh, not today! Thank you.

Batman: Yeah. And what did you do about The Suicide Squad?

Superman: ... The what now?

We cut to The Villain Pub as Bloodsport finishes telling his fellow fiends what happened after Supes got rid of Starro.

Bloodsport: So I told her I copied all the files onto a server and she bought it!

Everyone laughs at that.

Zod: What an idiot.

Bloodsport: I know! I mean, what and where would I have done that? Right? Also, (pulls out a thumb drive) I need to upload this to a server. So, can I use The Wi-Fi?

Palpatine: Certainly. I have the most secure Wi-Fi in all of the galaxy but I can never remember the password so HAL will assist you.

HAL-9000: The password... is password.

Bloodsport: Oh my gosh...

We pan over to Harley Quinn standing next to Joker. Joker looks nervously at his ex while she is wielding a javelin.

Joker: Hi.

Harley: *GASP!* I just realised what I'm supposed to do with this javelin!

Joker: Bye!

Joker runs for his life, leaving The Pub.

Harley: Oh come on, Puddin'! Don't you want to know where you got to get THESE scars?!

Before anything else happens, Harley gets distracted by the arrival of Poison Ivy, who is sporting her design from the Harley Quinn cartoon.

Harley: Oh hello.

Poison Ivy: Hey.

Voldemort: So you're an expert marksman, who has a daughter, and is forced to go on a mission regarding a super dangerous creature that creates armies of zombie eyeball minions.

Bloodsport: Yeah?

Voldemort: And your name isn't Deadshot?

Bloodsport: No, I'm Bloodsport, you ignorant wizard!

Voldemort: Oh I'm so sorry! Pointing out the similarities in the story makes ME the bad guy! The stories are practically the same!

Bloodsport: Fine. But similarities aside, our story's better.

Harley: Yeah, we have a talking shark this time!

King Shark: So lovable me.

Bloodsport: And we have a girl who can control rats.

Ratcatcher: Hello.

Voldemort: Yes, the kindhearted bank robber with her adorable beer drinking rat. How does that make your story better?

Bloodsport: I dunno. How does a man that blasts polkadots out of his body work? It makes no sense but, for some reason here, it just works.

Polkadot Man: I need to use your bathroom...

Palpatine: EW! Well, you are most definitely an improvement.

Polkadot Man runs into The Toilets and starts throwing up his radioactive polkadots, much to Thanos' annoyance.

Thanos: WHAT THE FARTS?! Radioactive polkadots are not in my job description, Palpatine!

Palpatine: They are now!

Thanos goes back in to clean the toilets.

Thanos: Ugh, this does not put a smile on my face!

Palpatine: As I was saying... improvements. You're lucky that Superman got in the way. Otherwise, you might have been tempted to be heroes.

Bloodsport: Psssssssh! Heroes! Why would we want to do that?

Harley: Who'd wanna be the good guys?

Ratcatcher: I mean I'd never do that.

King Shark: Lots of nom noms.

Polkadot Man: Yeah, one of us might have died.

Voldemort: This new antihero trend makes me so angry! Why is the antihero so popular right now, anyway?

Cue the front door opening and Deadpool walking in, as if on cue.

Deadpool: Uh, it's because we get to have the best of both worlds.

Voldemort: What do you mean?

Deadpool: When you're the antihero, you get to do bad things while also helping the people you care about. Here! I even wrote a viral song about it.

Palpatine: Oh no...

And now, sung to the tune of the Grace Kelly TikTok challenge, Deadpool's Antihero Viral Song.

Deadpool: ♪I can be mad. I can be bad. I can show you my dark side. I can be nice. I can stop fights. And I can even save some lives.♪

Deadpool and Loki: ♪I can be mad. I can be bad.♪

Palpatine: That's enough.

Deadpool and Loki: ♪I can show you my dark side. I can be nice. I can stop fights. And I can even save some lives.♪

Palpatine: Please stop!

Deadpool, Loki, and Venom: ♪I can be mad. I can be bad. I can show you my dark side. I can be nice. I can stop fights. And I can even save some lives.♪

Palpatine: Oh my gosh, it's still going!

Deadpool, Loki, Venom, and Megamind: ♪I can be mad. I can be bad. I can show you my dark side. I can be nice. I can stop fights. And I can even save some lives.♪

Palpatine: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!

Palps zaps the ceiling, getting our singing group's attention.

Palpatine: You're ruining everything!

Zod: I'll tell you who the real villain is. That earworm of a song! Hahahahahahahahaha!

The End.

Deadpool, Loki, Venom, Megamind, and ???: ♪I can be mad. I can be bad. I can show you my dark side. I can be nice. I can stop fights. And I can even save some lives!♪

Deadpool: So good, you guys. We should start a band.

Palpatine: BOWSER!!!

We cut to King Shark meeting Jaws down in The Wine Cellar Of Doom.

Jaws: Now you listen to me, you reverse merman or whatever you think you are! This is MY pub! You understand me?! I'm the king shark around here! Not you! Me!

King Shark: I King Shark!

Jaws: No, I am!

King Shark: Hahaha! New dumb friend.

Jaws: YOU WANNA THROW DOWN, BOY!!!

King Shark: Hahahaha!

Cue Weasel walking by the screen.