Super Cafe - Snyder Cut

Synopsis
Batman and Superman react to Zack Snyder's Justice League.

Transcript
The following contains spoilers for Zack Snyder's Justice League

Our two heroes sit in a brief stunned silence. Also, Clark is wearing the black and silver suit.

Superman: Wow!

Batman: Yeah.

Superman: Wow!!

Batman: Yeah!

Superman: Who knew adding two hours to a story could change so much?!

Batman: Right?

Superman: Cyborg has more depth!

Batman: Flash can reverse time and isn't motor boating Wonder Woman.

Superman: Dude, Lex knows your real name!

Batman: Oh crap, I totally forgot about that!

Superman: I know!

Batman: How does he know my name?!

Superman: I don't know!

Batman: Did you tell him?

Superman: Why would I tell Lex something like that?!

Batman: I don't know!

Superman: So many new details!

Batman: Diana killed a bunch of terrorists!

Superman: Mera has an accent all of a sudden!

Batman: I know!

Superman: My mother turned into Martian Manhunter!

Batman: Mother Martha turned into Martha Manhunter?!

Superman: My mother Martha turned into The Martian Manhunter!

Batman: But mother Martha probably isn't actually The Martian Manhunter.

Superman: No, I think it was just Martian Manhunter pretending to be my mother Martha.

Batman: This changes so much!

Superman: I know!

Batman: So many new seeds have been planted!

Superman: Lois might be pregnant!

Batman: Uh huh! Wait, that's the detail you're focusing on?

Superman: Well, you said seeds. I thought that's what you meant.

Batman: I'm talking about the Darkseid seed! The dark seeds. Aren't you even concerned about him?

Superman: You mean that bald guy that was creeping on us through the portal with his grandma? That guy took off like a wuss. Why are you worried about him?

Batman: BECAUSE I'M STILL HAVING NIGHTMARES ABOUT HIM INVADING THE PLANET!

Superman: Dude, here we go with your goofy dreams again.

Batman: These are serious dreams, Kal! They're more than just dreams. They're prophecy.

Superman: Why do you think that?

Batman: Because none of it has mattered up to this point!

Superman: That's like... 99% of all people's dreams.

Batman: Not these kind of dreams! These are BAT dreams. Bat prophecy dreams.

Superman: *sigh*

Batman: Mysterious dreams that feel so real, it makes you obsessed to see the outcome.

Superman: Yeah.

Batman: Almost as if... the dreams demand the outcome.

Superman: Uh huh.

Batman: Like how Darkseid is going to demand our planet when he gets here!

Superman: You are being so paranoid.

Batman: No I'm not!

Superman: Yes you are! Do you know why?

Batman: Because I'm Batman?

Superman: Because you're about to reboot!

Batman: (now the Robert Pattinson version) Yeah... because I'm THE Batman.

Superman: So if you're about to be THE Batman, how can Darkseid even come here if your timeline is about to start over?

Batman: (has turned back to normal) Because the seeds have already been planted! The angry voices aren't going to rest until I've fought through some Mad Max wasteland getting Flash to turn back time, putting my Knightmare story arc to rest!

Batman takes a couple of breaths.

Superman: Or we could toss it up to bad dreams and call it a day and just move on with our lives.

Batman: (puts on goggles) I'M PUTTING ON MY GOGGLES, KAL! SEE?! IT'S DESTINY!

The aspect ratio changes to 4:3, the setting becomes tinted with sepia, and Batman slowly leaves the cafe.

Batman: IT'S NOT ME! IT'S THE PLANTED SEED! AREN'T YOU COMPELLED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AFTER I PUT ON THESE GOGGLES?!

Superman: Not really.

Batman stands outside their window.

Batman: YES YOU ARE! DON'T LIE!

Superman: I'm a little curious at this point.

Batman: Y'SEE?! IT'S TOO LATE! THE WORLD IS GONNA END! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, THOSE TWO TO THREE DREAMS I HAD HAVE FINALLY COME TRUE! WE HAVE TO SEND FLASH BACK IN TIME NOW! WHO WILL BE MY BEST FRIEND NOW?!?!

Joker: I'll be your best friend! Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa...

Batman: OH *CUSS*, IT'S THE JOKER! OH, AND I CUSS NOW! I HAVE TO ROLL WITH THIS JOKER AND I CUSS NOW! *CUSS*! WHAT A CRAZY NEW AMOUNT OF DETAILS!!!

Super Cafe: The Snyder Cut

The End.