How Deadpool Should Have Ended



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TBA

Transcript
Open with the counting bullets scene

Deadpool: Mi gusta cinco. (gets shot in the butt) Four. (shoots the guy) Right up main street. Three! Two! STUPID! Worth it. (takes cover)

Dying guy: Deadpool, why are you counting bullets? Why don't you pick up one of our many weapons?

Deadpool: Oh, that's simple. Because this makes me look like one bad mother-. (gets whacked by Cap's mighty shield)

Cap: Language! (defeats the other henchmen)

Deadpool: What?!

Cap: I took care of it. And language!

Deadpool: Get out of my movie, you-! (gets whacked by Cap's shield again)

Captain America: LANGUAGE!!!

Cue title. Deadpool and Vanessa, who is trapped in that contraption thing, hang over the edge of the helicarrier that Marvel would probably sue Fox for after this.

Deadpool: Don't worry! I'm totally on top of this!

Colossus leaves, carrying Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Angel Dust.

Deadpool: (throwing the contraption) Maximum! Effort!

He throws the contraption thing... which hits the ground via the side Vanessa was on. Cut to later in The Super Cafe.

Deadpool: And that's when the love of my life died! No thanks to you, Teen Titans!

Negasonic Teenage Warhead: (while tweeting) Hey, I didn't MAKE you toss her off a 300 foot drop.

Deadpool: It was my maximum effort. And what are you, Michael Bay? Nobody asked you to make a cliche explosion in the middle of MY Boss Battle.

Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Colossus needed my help.

Deadpool: So yeah, now I'm alone. The only girl of my dreams gone forever. Thanks to The X-Men.

Superman: Hmmm, now you know how Firefly fans feel.

Deadpool: Too soon, Superman.

Batman: So what happened to Ajax?

Deadpool: You mean Francis? He died under all that rubble.

Superman: Are you sure?

Deadpool: Well, he better have! If not, I'm gonna find him, shoot him in the head, and then use the hole for-.

Superman: Stop!

Batman: This is making me uncomfortable.

Deadpool: Why, because you're PG-13? Or were you gonna say "Batman"?

Batman: No... I would say "Because I'm Batman".

Superman: Are we PG-13? I always thought we were a Hard PG.

Batman: The Blu-Ray might be rated R.

Superman: That is a terrible idea.

Deadpool: Uh excuse me, copycats. We were talking about my dead girlfriend.

Colossus: Wade, please. You did not love this woman.

Deadpool: Oh really? Well, what do you know about it, Mr. Metal Sack?

Colossus: I think you only enjoyed her for... sexy times.

Deadpool: What?! That is not true. Vanessa and I also made amazing sci-fi references together. I love that girl. There was a montage and everything. I didn't call her because... I'm ugly now.

Negasonic Teenage Warhead: That's too bad. Beast probably would've helped you out if you had called us first.

Deadpool: I am going to kill you, little girl!

He shots at her but Superman deflects the bullet.

Colossus: That's not nice.

Deadpool: You think the studio could afford Beast?!

Batman: You can't just murder your enemies, Wade. Killing is wrong.

Deadpool: Whaaaaaaat? Why? Superman does it.

Superman: I do not just murder my enemies.

Deadpool: You're right. Not EVERYONE in that destroyed city was your enemy.

Colossus: Oh dear.

Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Shots fired.

Batman: See? Deadpool gets it.

Superman: Are we really gonna do this AGAIN?

Batman: You're a monster.

Superman: Oh my gosh. I SAVED THE EARTH, BRUCE! Saved it!

Batman: You've gotta be stopped.

Silence.

Deadpool: I feel like you guys need to be alone. (crawling over Batman) Excuse me. Don't get up. Wouldn't have to animate you in different position for a change.

Batman: Get off me.

Colossus: Where are you going?

Deadpool: I'm gonna go find a place with a little more trouble. (leaves) Good lord, look at those cars! What is this, 2007?!

Cut to The Villain Pub.

Ajax: And then he stabbed me in the leg, and I still didn't bleed out.

Voldemort: And you don't have any healing powers?

Ajax: Nope.

Joker: Wow.

Deadpool: (coming in the door) Hello, Francis!

Ajax: Wade Wils-. (gets shot in the head and decapitated)

Deadpool: NOW *BLEEP*IN' DIE ALREADY! *BLEEP*. (to us) Bleeps, really? Here? Eh, *BLEEP*. (sits down) Finally. Revenge stories. Am I right, guys? Hey, can I get some chimi-changas?

Palpatine: Oh, I'm afraid you aren't welcome here, Van Wilder!

Voldemort: Yes. Anti-hero.

Deadpool: What?! How many times do I have to say this? I am not a *BLEEP*ing hero.

Voldemort: You aren't evil.

Deadpool: I made everyone hate Green Lantern. That's kind of evil.

Palpatine: There is still good in you, so leave us.

Deadpool: Ugh, fine. (leaves... then comes back with Deadpool from X Men Origins: Wolverine) But I'm leaving The Old Deadpool with you guys.

Everyone: (groans in disgustment)

Palpatine: NOBODY LIKES THAT DEADPOOL!

The End.

Cue YouTube outro. Barakapool plays the saxophone on a unicorn.

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