Villain Pub: Best Picture Summary 2019

Transcript
Cue the theme song.

♪Making your way evil today sure does take alot Thinking of ways to distribute hate takes everything you've got Wouldn't you like to rule the place Sometimes you wanna go where everybody hates your faaaaaaaaace And the villains share your raaaaaaaaaaaage You wanna be in the evil seat, heroes are all the same You wanna go where everybody hates your face♪

Thanos sighs in sadness.

Joker: What's got you down, big guy?

Thanos: I just found out I'm not nominated for Best Picture.

Voldemort: WHAAAAAAAAAT?! That's outrageous!

Thanos: I know! It was the culmination of 10 years, 3 phases, and almost 20 films! All leading up to my entrance!

Joker: It was finally your time.

Thanos: IT WAS MY TIME! I said I was gonna do it and I did it! Can anyone else say they wiped out HALF of the universe?! NO!

Joker: Woo! Maybe you wiped out all the voters that liked it.

Zod: I know why you got snubbed! It's because you killed Groot, you big purple butt face!!! Why did you do that?!

Palpatine: He's, uh, he's still not over that. What's the big deal anyway? Your story isn't even over yet.

Joker: Yeah, plus it's rare. Palps here hasn't seen an Oscar in almost 40 years.

Thanos: What do these movies have that I don't? The Favourite - women fighting each other. I had that! Did you not see the epic battle with all those lady heroes and Proxima Midnight?

Proxima Midnight: Yeah, I'm just as sexy as Emma Stone and Rachel Weiz.

Zod and Voldemort: Uuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmm...

Thanos: Vice - controversial and terrifying politics. I mean, have they met me?!

Palpatine: Oh, I actually like that one! Corrupting government is my jam.

Thanos: Bohemian Rhapsody - timeless music and rebellious characters. What do you think those dumb Guardians are supposed to be?

Zod: I don't know, why don't you ask Groot?! That's right, you can't because he's dead!!!

Thanos: Or BlacKKKlansman - disrupting a hateful organization. The Avengers have tried to disrupt me all the time!

Joker: I suppose but you have to admit Roma was kind of a masterpiece, right?

Everyone: Oh yeah! Yes, yes. That was very good!

Thanos: Oh, just because it was black and white and an intimate portrait with stunning cinematography and-. Yeah, I guess it was pretty great. But I'm on Netflix too, you know!

Mickey Mouse: (walking by) Haha, not for long!

Everyone stares in confusion.

Voldemort: Uh... Why is?

Palpatine: Don't mess with The Mouse.

Voldemort: (confused) Okay.

Thanos: A Star Is Born. For the THIRD TIME. Oooooh, a star. I can throw a moon! A freaking MOON!

Joker: And had Bradley Cooper too.

Zod: You know who doesn't have Bradley Cooper?!

Palpatine: You're not going to do that every time we mention The Guardians Of The Galaxy!

Zod: We are Groot, you guys!

Joker: What about Green Book though? Now there's a great film your story had nothing in common with.

Thanos: No, but it does have Uncle Aaron from Spider-Verse which should ALSO be nominated for Best Picture!

Kingpin: (walking by) Thank you!

Joker: Yes but it was animated AND a comic book movie. It's so rare that comic book movies get Oscar Nominations.

Voldemort: YOUR FILM WAS NOMINATED FOR EIGHT OSCARS!!!

Joker: Oh yeah, hehehehehehehe! But not Best Picture. Unfortunately, comic book movies just don't get nominated for Best Picture. That's just the way it is.

Killmonger and his gang, who are carrying Klaue, enter.

Killmonger: Until now!

Klaue: Oscarsesies!

Everyone bar Thanos: Oh! That's incredible!

Voldemort: I hope yours wins.

Palpatine: Oh yes. Sorry, Thanos.

Thanos: (sighs, then...) Y'all gonna make me snap.

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!

The Villain Pub: Best Picture Summary 2019

The end.

Cut to later. Gold Voldemort returns to just stand in The Oscars Statue pose.

Thanos: (walking by) I'm sorry, it's still not the same.