How Star Wars: Attack of the Clones Should Have Ended



Coming Soon

TBA

Transcript
Intro begins with the assassination attempt at the beginning.

Typho: I guess I was wrong. Looks like there was no danger at all.

The ship blows up.

Padme: Corde!

Corde: I'm so sorry. I failed you, Senator-.

Corde gets shushed by Padme.

Padme: No, you didn't fail me. This is exact reason your job exists. So you did great!

Corde: (death rattle)

Intro ends. We begin with the next assassination attempt.

Anakin: Don't worry. No harm will come to her. I can sense everything going on in that room.

Cut to inside the room. Padme is sleeping. The droid approaches the window.

Obi-Wan: It's too risky. Plus your sense aren't that well attuned, my young apprentice.

The droid, instead of pooping poisonous worms, shoots Padme repeatedly until she dies.

Anakin: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fast forward to Padme speaking with Jar Jar.

Padme: Jar Jar, I have to leave the capital and I was going to leave you in charge while I'm gone but, I'm sorry, you have zero experience and, well, you're Jar Jar so I'm going to ask literally anyone else to do the job. Okay?

Jar Jar: Okiday, mesa goin home.

Jango appears outside. Padme pushes Jar Jar into the line of fire. Jango shoots Jar Jar until he dies then flies off. Fast forward to Creepy Anakin behaviour.

Padme: Please don't look at me like that.

Anakin: Why not?

Padme: It makes me uncomfortable. (walks off)

Anakin: (creepily) I'm sorry, Milady.

Padme: UGH! THAT MAKES IT WORSE!

Cut to The Jedi Council. A hologram of Padme appears.

Padme: Yeah, can I get a different Jedi? This one keeps giving me "I want you" eyes!

Anakin: NO, I WASN'T!

Fast forward to the fireplace scene.

Anakin: You are in my very soul, tormenting me.

Padme: I know. I feel as if I'm dying a little each day.

Anakin: So you are suffering the way that I am suffering.

Padme: The pain is so bad! The pain and the torment!

Anakin: Your kiss haunts me! It is like a scar on my heart!

Padme: This is going to destroy us!

Anakin: Oh no, I could totally leave The Jedi right now but I just can't!

Padme: Tell me more about sand!

Anakin: Really?

Padme: HECK NO! THIS IS FREAKIN' WEIRD, ANI!

Fast forward to Obi-Wan meeting Jango Fett. Obi-Wan can see his armour but Jango tries to obscure his view.

Obi-Wan: I can totally see your suit back there.

Jango: Suit? What suit? No, you can't.

Obi-Wan: Yes, I can.

Jango: Naaaaaaaaaah...

Obi-Wan: You're the bounty hunter trying to kill the senator, aren't you?

Jango: Whaaaaaat?! That's crazy! I don't know what you're talking about.

Obi-Wan uses The Force to pull the suit out, then activates his lightsabre.

Obi-Wan: I've seen enough. You're coming with me.

Cut to Mace and Yoda in The Old Folks Home of The Jedi Temple. A hologram showing Obi-Wan and an arrested Jango appears.

Obi-Wan: I have successfully arrested the bounty hunter I believe to be the assassin we're looking for.

Yoda: Very good. Bring him in. Question him, we will.

Obi-Wan: Yes, Master, but, you see, there's a problem. He, uh, has this youngling with him and they-. (shooing Boba with his lightsabre) BACK! BACK! They aren't exactly cooperating. Plus, I only have one seat on my ship so... I don't think he's going to sit on my lap all the way back to Corosaunt.

Mace: Does he have a ship you could use?

Obi-Wan: Do you mind if we take your ship?

Jango: I'm not gonna let you use my ship!

Obi-Wan: Could you guys maybe just send a larger ship?

Mace: No. No, we cannot.

Yoda: Important Jedi business, we have.

Obi-Wan: ALL of the Jedi are busy?

Yoda: Yes. Sit here on cushions, we must.

Obi-Wan: ... I'm really doing all of the work, aren't I?

Yoda: Yes. (chuckles)

Fast forward to Anakin killing Sand People and then to him telling Padme what he did. Padme looks unsettled.

Anakin: I killed them. Every single one of them! And not just the men. But the women, and children too. THEY'RE LIKE ANIMALS, SO I SLAUGHTERED THEM LIKE ANIMALS! I HATE THEM!

Padme: (backing away) Oooooookay. I, um, I left something on my ship. I'll be right back.

Cut to Padme and R2 leaving the planet on her ship.

Padme: I mean, NOBODY in their right mind would stay with a guy like that! Right?

R2 whistles in agreement. Fast forward.

But this is how it really should have ended...

Yoda and Count Dooku lock blades.

Yoda: Fought well, you have, my old Padawan.

Dooku: This is just the beginning.

Dooku uses The Force to make a metal pillar slowly descend on injured Anakin and Obi-Wan. Dooku gets on his ship. Yoda uses The Force to stop the pillar, lifts it a bit higher, and throws it at Dooku's ship. Cut to the senate. A hologram shows a captured Dooku and then The Death Star Plans.

Mace: And that's when we found the secret plans Dooku was carryin' for an ultimate weapon called "The Death Star", capable of destroyin' entire planets. So, bein' the keepers of the peace that we are, in order to keep those plans from EVER fallin' into dangerous hands, we destroyed that design and now it's gone forever.

Palpatine: YOU DID WHAT?! Uh, I mean... Thank goodness.

Everyone celebrates. Palpatine, with no one noticing, contacts a Clone.

Palpatine: Execute Order 66!

The Clone nods.

The End.

Cut to the bit where Padme is knocked out of the gunship when the heroes pursue Dooku.

Anakin: PADME! Put the ship down!

Obi-Wan: Come to your senses! You will be expelled from The Jedi Order!

Anakin: (thinks about that for two seconds then jumps off after Padme) Okay, then see ya!

Obi-Wan: Anakin, no! I hate it when he does that!

Then suddenly...!

Thor: I would have done the same thing!