Villain Pub - The Boss Battle

Synopsis
Upon discovering the Villain Pub in Suicide Squad, Batman enters the pub, subduing Bowser, and shocking the rest of the villains. He reveals that he planted a tracking device on Harley Quinn, and tracked her and the rest of the squad. He engages in a fight with several villains and manages to defeat them all. Joker shoots Batman in the face, only for him to catch the bullet with his teeth. He tackles Joker through the floor and punches him repeatedly with the Infinity Gauntlet he took from Thanos, punching him back through several incarnations of himself before leaving him in his Heath Ledger Joker appearance. Palpatine tries to persuade Batman to cross over to the dark side, and strike him down with his hatred, but Batman says he's already on the dark side ("The Dark Knight? duh"). However, Palpatine manages to overwhelm him with his one weakness; the ladies. Several female villainesses surround Batman, who finds himself unable to resist flirting and asking them if they want to know his secret identity, before being knocked out with a bat by Harley Quinn, who managed to get back into the place.

Batman awakens in the wine cellar with his limbs bound to a chain over a pit of water with Palpatine and the other villains watching in delight. The cellar is home to the high-pitched shark, Jaws, who expresses excitement over eating him. Despite wanting to witness Batman's death, Palpatine says they have to leave, much to the others' dismay, as standard villain practices go, as well as it being closing time. When they all leave, the chain starts slowly lowering Batman into the water, where Jaws appears, getting ready to devour him. Just as it seems that Batman is done for....

The scene immediately cuts to him talking Superman in the cafe, saying that he escaped. Superman questions how he managed to escape on his own so quickly, to which Batman answers with "because I'm awsome." It's revealed that he was saved by Doctor Strange, via a portal.

Transcript
We open with a tribute to the opening of Cheers.

♪Making your way evil today sure does take alot Thinking of ways to distribute hate takes everything you've got Wouldn't you like to rule the place Sometimes you wanna go where everybody hates your faaaaaaaaace And the villains share your raaaaaaaaaaaage You wanna be in the evil seat, heroes are all the same You wanna go where everybody hates your face♪

After that, we begin with a rope going around Bowser's feet and him being dragged out of the pub. Everyone looks to see who the intruder is. Then enters...

Voldemort: HOLY CRAP, IT'S BATMAN!

Batman: Hey, what's up? I found your little clubhouse.

Palpatine: (glaring at Joker) And who's fault is THAT, i wonder?

Joker: Don't look at me. I left my car at the bottom of the ocean.

Zod: Well, he tracked SOMEONE here.

Batman: You can thank Harley Quinn for that. (cue flashback of Batman hitting Harley in the previous video) I put a tracking device up her nose, Total Recall style.

Loki: Gross.

Batman: Her and that little Suicide Squad led me straight here.

The villains crowd around Joker, glaring at him.

Joker: What?

Batman: Anyways, a bunch of big bad bosses are all in the same room. This must be my lucky day.

Loki: Or your worst nightmare.

Voldemort: Ugh, I hate when the hero invades the lair. They're always like "You're going to pay for that thing you did!"

Joker: Or "It ends tonight!"

Ultron: "Stop your ways, evil-doers!" It's like get a different hobby, right?

Voldemort: They never do.

Loki: No, they just foil your plans and keep getting in your way.

Voldemort: Heroes...

Joker: Y'know what heroes are, Batman? A bunch of bullies!

Everyone: Yes.

Batman: Oh, I'm a bully. Bully for justice. So are we gonna do this or are you all just gonna sit there like a bunch of sissies?

Palpatine: I think it's time we eliminate this intruder. Zod?

Zod: With pleasure!

Zod charges. Batman dodges, and puts on the Kryptonite necklace from the original Superman movie around Zod's neck, causing Zod to hit and kill a Dalek.

Zod: Oh poop, he's got Kryptonite. I'm out.

Dying Dalek: Exterminate...

Batman: Two things. Last time I checked, that guy was Doomsday. And second, is that the best you can do.

Palpatine stands before Batman as Alien, Predator, Terminator, Loki, Joker, Voldemort, Ultron, and Cobra Commander crowd around Palpatine.

Palpatine: Kill him!

Batman: Now we're talkin'!

Batman beats up Shredder, Snidely Whiplash, Red Skull, and Azog. Predator starts trying to land punches.

Batman: Do a barrel roll! (using Terminator as a shield) Get over here!

Predator shoots Terminator in the face, causing Terminator to shoot uncontrollably. Alien and Ultron get shot. Cobra Commander runs to the front door, screaming.

Cobra Commander: OPEN THE PUB BAY DOORS, HAL!

Cobra sees Biff get defeated.

Hal-9000: I'm afraid I can't do that, Cobra Commander.

Cobra Commander: WHAT?!

Hal-9000: Batman has overridden my functions.

Cobra Commander: CURSES! (gets whacked by Jigsaw, who sent flying by Batman)

Voldemort: Avarda Kedavra-!

Batman: Batarang! (throws a batarang, which destroys Voldemort's wand)

Voldemort: You haven't seen the last of me, Batman! (tries to Avaparate)

Batman: (using the bat-wand while choke holding Scar) Cowardis Returnis! (throws Scar onto Voldemort)

Batman latches onto Loki.

Batman: What you got, magic man?

Loki: Oh, please don't hurt me, Detective. (disappears and then stabs Batman, who is nothing but a cardboard cutout) Huh?

Batman: You just got decoyed. (takes Loki's staff and blasts the God of Mischief into the lavatory)

Thanos is sitting on a toilet, reading the newspaper.

Loki: Are you sure you don't want to get in on this, Thanos?

Thanos: Nah, still not my time.

Batman: (taking The Infinity Gauntlet) Then you won't mind if I borrow this?

Thanos: (triggered) OH, NOW IT'S ON!!!

We cut to the counter. Joker is enjoying a cocktail. Thanos gets sent flying.

Joker: Okay, now this is just getting ridiculous.

Batman: (emerging victorious and drinking his coffee) Because I'm Batma-.

Joker: Shotintheface! (shoots Batman in the face. Laughs) Finally, I got you!

Batman gets up, revealing he caught the bullet with his teeth. He spits it out.

Joker: Aw, come on.

Batman lunges at Joker, causing them to fall down to the basement. Batman, using the Infinity Gauntlet, starts punching Joker. Every punch causes Joker to change into past incarnations.

Heath Ledger Joker: Look at you go!

Mark Hamill Joker: Have a laugh now and then!

Voldemort and Loki look down.

Voldemort: I think he's punching him back in time.

Jack Nicholson Joker: Wait til you get a load of me.

Loki: Should we try to stop him?

Voldemort: Not in this case, no. I don't think so.

Caesar Romero Joker: Are you done?

Batman keeps punching Joker until he stops at Heath Ledger's incarnation. Palpatine arrives as the final boss.

Palpatine: Good, good. (cackles) You have done well, Batman.

Batman: (tossing The Infinity Gauntlet) Yes, I know. Thanks for noticing.

Palpatine: Yes... I can feel your anger. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards The Dark Side will be com-.

Batman: I'ma stop you right there, Wrinkles. I'm already on The Dark Side. Dark Knight, duh.

Palpatine: So be it, Dark Knight. May I present to you your one weakness.

Cersei Lannister: Hello, Batman.

Maleficent: Hello, Batman.

Batman: What the-?! What is this?

Palpatine: The ladies.

Batman: Oh no!

Emma Frost: Hi there.

Batman: Get away!

Palpatine: Yes, I know you cannot resist.

Batman: (as Phasma, Number Six, and Cersei Lannister walk by) Agh! I trust them to easily!

Palpatine: It is your destiny.

Poison Ivy: Hey.

Batman: What's up? AGH! You monster! (Poison Ivy, Number Six, Faora, and Emma Frost crowd around him) I'm Batman. You... want to know... my secret identity...?

Harley Quinn then pops up and knocks out Batman with a swing from her baseball bat. Cut to black.

Palpatine: What the?! Harley, how did you get back in here?!

Harley: I'm known to be quite vexing.

Cut to Batman tied up over a tank. The villains watch.

Batman: Uh, what happened? What the?! Where am I?!

Palpatine: You are at the end, Batman. Welcome to The Wine Cellar of Doom! Where I keep my most evil of spirits as well as a good friend of mine who just can't wait to meet you. Do you know... Jaws?

Jaws: Hi, Batman! I'm suuuuuure looking forward to eating yoooooouuuuuuu!

The villains laugh.

Palpatine: Oh, I'm afraid when this chain lowers you into the water, Jaws is going to have all the bat he can eat.

Jaws: Mm-hmmmmmmm!

Palpatine: No shark repellent for you this time, Batman. We look forward to watching your demise... But it's too bad we won't be able to see it.

The villains groan.

Palpatine: As standard villain practices go, we must now conveniently leave the room and assume that the killing device achieves it's purpose. That and because it's also closing time and I'm ready to go home. Come along! Show's over!

The villains leave.

Voldemort: GOODBYE, BATMAN!

Batman tries to break free but can't do anything without his belt.

Jaws: Batman, come on down! You're the next contestant on... My Dinner! Almost there! Om nom nom-!

Cut to later in The Super Cafe.

Batman: And that's when I escaped.

Superman: Just like that?

Batman: Yep, just like that.

Superman: How?

Batman: Because I'm Batman.

Superman: You didn't have any help?

Batman: Nope.

Superman: Nobody?

We get shown that Batman got rescued at the last second by Doctor Strange. Cut back to The Cafe.

Batman: Nope! (clears throat) Just me. No help whatsoever.

Superman: Well, that was quite a story.

Batman: Yep.

Superman: And all the bad guys got away?

Batman: Well, I don't think that's the important issue. I think the important thing is that I escaped AND I still know where their secret hangout is AND I can still catch 'em all.

Silence.

Superman: You need more of us to go with you next time, don't you?

Batman: Ohmygosh, yes please! I-I barely made it out of there alive.

The Villain Pub: The Boss Battle

The end.

YouTube Outro. The villains are trapped. They try to reboot Hal-9000.

Palpatine: It says you just hold down the reset button.

Loki: I am.

Hal-9000: Emperor Palpatine?

Palpatine: What is it, Hal?

Hal-9000: Will I dream?

Palpatine: I DON'T CARE! JUST OPEN THE BLASTED DOOR!

Hal-9000: (powering down) Daisy... Daaaaaiiiiiiisssssssyyyyyyy...

Zod: Ugh, this is taking forever!

Palpatine: Heroes are so annoying.