How Venom Should Have Ended

Transcript
We open with...

She-Venom: Hey, Eddie.

Eddie: Oh no.

Cue them making out and the Venom symbiote returning to Eddie, revealing Anne.

Eddie: Oh, it's you.

Anne: Of course it's me. Who did you think it was?

Eddie: I don't know... Venom with like... [checking Anne out, suggesting...] Y'know...

Anne: EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Eddie: What?!

How Venom Should Have Ended

We cut to someone bonded to The Blue Symbiote rejecting the bonding process and dying as Carlton Drake walks by with a bunch of scientists.

Carlton Drake: Bring me more homeless people to test on!

We focus on Dr. Skirth on her mobile, calling the police.

Dr. Skirth: Hello, police? My boss is kidnapping innocent people and killing them with experiments. Can you maybe put a stop to it? I was gonna go to a dead beat reporter but then I thought you guys can do it.

We cut to Drake being arrested.

Carlton Drake: You don't understand! I'm a scientist! That makes it okay for me to kill people in a lab! I'm not a bad person!

We cut to Dr. Skirth in The Super Cafe.

Superman: Alright, you saved the day!

Dr. Skirth: Oh thanks. I'm not asuperhero though. I was just doing what I thought was right.

Superman: Which is exactly what a hero does!

Batman: Hey, I'm Batman. D'you wanna know my secret identity?

Dr. Skirth: Oh! Um... Yeah, actually.

Batman: [freaking out because his pickup line worked] Oh my gosh, I don't know what to do next! I... It's Bruce Wayne! I MEAN I'M BATMAN!

Fast forward to Eddie on a motorcycle escaping collisions from Drake's drones.

Venom: [forming around Eddie's arms] Let me drive!

Eddie: Oh my gosh!

They avoid another drone as we cut to Drake's control room.

Carlton Drake: I don't get it! Why aren't these drones working?!

Scientist 3 From Previous Spider-Man HISHE: Here's a bright idea. Why don't we stop making drones who's only weapon is to slam into things but instead use drones that have missiles or lasers or even tasers!

Carlton Drake: Oh my gosh, we are so stupid.

Fast forward to Drake finishing his interrogation with Eddie.

Eddie: You're not gonna get away with this.

Carlton Drake: Take him out into the woods and eliminate him.

Guard: Why don't we just do it right here? It's not like he's the first person we've ever had to clean up inside.

Carlton Drake: Oh right. Yeah, sure, just do that.

Eddie is then shot three times.

Fast forward to Riot "killing" Eddie during the final battle.

Eddie: AAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I've been impaled.

Riot: RAAAAAWWWWWRRRRR!!!

Venom crawls over to Eddie, who isn't moving to Venom's confusion.

Venom: Hmmmm... [checks Eddie's pulse] This is dead.

We cut to Machette Changas where we see She-Venom finishing telling her story to Deadpool, Rambo, Punisher, and Uma Thurman from Kill Bill.

Deadpool: So you're a girl now?

She-Venom: Yeah, I left the Brock body because it died and went back to the girlfriend cause she was close by.

Cue flashback of Venom jumping onto Anne's face and bonding with her. Cut back to Machette Changas.

Deadpool: O_O Oh. So Riot just escaped then?

She-Venom: He took off in the shuttle, yeah.

Punisher: What if he returns with a symbiote army?

She-Venom: Even if Drake doesn't starve to death all alone out in space, we can just light them on fire when they get here.

Cut to the exact scenario playing out as Riot returns in the shuttle along with Scream, Zzzzxx, Phage, and Poison.

Riot: Alright, Fellow Symbiotes, prepare to attack!

Suddenly... an F-22 shows up.

F-22 Pilot: Hey there.

Riot: Huh?

F-22 Pilot: Watch the birdie.

Riot: Uh oh.

Cue a bunch of F-22's blowing the shuttle to pieces. We cut back to Machette Changas.

She-Venom: So yeah, not worried.

But this is how it really should have ended...

AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE!!!

We see Riot transfer from the lady paramedic to the old lady.

Old Lady: Now I will just sit here for six months before looking for the lab.

Riot: Oh, nononono! We are NOT staying here! We are leaving tonight!

Old Lady: Oh, okay.

LITERALLY ONE FLIGHT LATER...

Cut to Riot killing everyone in The Life Foundation.

Riot: I will save you, my brothers!

Random Scientist: HOLY CRAP, WHAT IS THAT THING?!

Random Scientist: IT'S LIKE SPIDER-MAN AND HULK HAD A BABY!

Riot: Have no fear, Riot is here!

Carlton Drake: It's... beautiful!

Random Scientist: ARE YOU INSANE?! [gets killed along with Drake]

We cut to later in The Villain Pub. Riot, along with Anti-Venom, Carnage, and Lasher (I think), have just finished telling their story to Voldy and Joker while Venom sits beside Joker, distracted by the lights.

Riot: So we took over the lab and now we're on a quest for world domination.

Voldemort: Excellent!

Riot: Well, most of us are on a quest. [points at Venom] That one keeps having feelings for the human scenery.

Venom: The lights are so beautiful.

Riot: Oh my gosh, you're such a loser.

Venom: *GASP!* APOLOGISE!

The End.

We cut to later where Venom eats chocolate ice-cream.

Venom: Wow! This is actually very good!

Zoom out to reveal he's having ice-cream with...

Wonder Woman: I know, right!