How Guardians of the Galaxy Should Have Ended/Transcript

(Star-Lord, Gamora, Groot, Drax and Rocket are sitting in a room on the Milino)

Star-Lord: I know we've all lost stuff and you think life take more than it gives, but not today. Today is giving us something. Its giving us a chance.

Drax: To do what?

Star-Lord:(sarcastically) To give a crap.

(Drax ponders this for a minute)

Drax: Very well. (proceeds to get up and pull down his pants to take a poo the floor all the others watch in disgust)

Star-Lord: Wait, what are you doing man?

Drax: You said to give a crap!

Star-Lord: No no no no no no no thats not what i meant at all!

Groot: I am Groooot!

(Titles showing Star-Lord dancing in front of the logo then cuts to black to Show Ronan and Thanos)

Thanos: Bring me the Orb!

Ronan: Why exactly?

Thanos: (Outraged) WHAT?!

Ronan: I mean all you do is sit in that chair all day long. Is NOT having the orb going to change ANYTHING about your daily routine?

Thanos: (To Ronan) I will rule to universe... and sit in this chair so bring me the orb boy!

Ronan: Why don't you get up out of that chair and make me?

Thanos: I can't get out of this char, its not my time. Plus... my legs are asleep.

Ronan: Your so weird Thanos!

Thanos: Infinity Wars! MHUHAHAHAHA!!

(Scene fast forwards to Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket and Groot attempting to escape from the Kyln.)

Gamora:(To Rocket) We have to get out of here. I hope you have a plan!

Rocket: I have a plan!

(A Klyn warden arrives with thousands of prison guards.)

Kyln Warden: Do not shoot at those windows one at a time! All of you shoot at the same window at my command! READY?!

Star-Lord: Oh man!

Kyln warden: FIRE!

(The guards shoot at the same window with the guardians inside causing the room to explode from the immense firepower of the guards weapons, The scene cuts to The Guardians in The Collectors room on Knowhere.)

The Collector: How would you like to get paid?

Rocket: How do you think man? Units!

The Collector: Very well.

(The Collector walks away from the orb but Carina approaches it)

The Collector:(Sternly) Carina don't!

Carina: I will no longer be your slave!

(Proceeds to touch the orb but Rocket shoots her with an energy blast from his Guns and her body falls to the floor.)

Star-Lord: Aw dude!

Rocket: Sorry, but that girl looked like me was about to get in between me and becoming near stupid rich! (Laughs) That'll be four billions units please.(Money jingle)

(Scene cuts to Yondu using his Yaka arrows on Xandor to make it float in the air making the sakarans confused, he whistles in tone making the arrow to aim at the aliens and kill them. While this is happening one of the Sakarans watches as Yondu's arrow kills his other members, he becomes scared and shoots Yondu in the head with his gun. Yondu and the sakarans fall to the floor and a sakaran ship explodes in the background leaving only one sakaran standing.)

Sakaran: Yes!

(Scene fast forwards to Ronan confronting Star-Lord with his war hammer.)

Ronan:(To Star-Lord) Your salvation is at hand! RAAGGHH!!

(Proceeds to smash his hammer into the ground but is distracted by Star-Lords dancing)

Star-Lord:(Singing) Ooh child its about to get easy times. Ooh child things will be bright now.

Ronan:(Confused) What are you DOING?

Star-Lord: Dance off Bro! Me and you! (Singing) Some day! Something something in the beautiful son... (Trails off)

Ronan: Oh, Whatever its YOUR funeral. HUHH!!

(Smashes his War hammer into the ground causing a bright light to cover the screen and set Xandor on Fire. Then scene cuts to Ronan in The Villain Pub talking to The Joker, Voldemort, Khan, Loki, Maleficent, Megatron and The Wicked witch of the West)

Ronan: And then I totally destroyed everything!

(All of the villains including Ronan laugh at this. Emperor Palpatine walks up)

The Emperor: That's my Jam!

(Scene cuts to Star-Lord,Gamora,Drax,and Rocket in a storm created by the orb where Gamora convinces the others to hold her hand)

Zamora: TAKE MY HAND!

(Star-Lord grabs hold of Gamers hand,Drax grabs hold of Star-Lord's and,Rocket grabs Drax's hand all of them screaming while orbsorbing the orb's power. Ronan then comes out of nowhere to grab Rocket's paw.)

Ronan: NOO!!

Star-Lord: Dude, let go!

Ronan: No way! (Shrugs)

(All of them look Blankly at each other awkwardly. Then Rocket brakes the silence.)

Rocket:(To Star-Lord) WHAT DO WE DO NOW?!

Star-Lord: I don't know!

(Scene fast forwards to the Guardians with a baby Groot in the rebuilt Milino.)

Star-Lord: So what do you wanna do? Something good? Something bad? Little bit of both?

(Gamer puts her hand on Star-Lord arm)

Zamora: We'll follow your lead Star-Lord.

Star-Lord: Little bit of both!

(Flys off, then the scene cuts to the Guardians in the Super Cafe talking To Batman and Superman while Groot sits on the table and Star-Lord listening to a music device.)

Superman: Wait, so who's the good and who's the bad?

Batman:(To Gamora) Hey, I'm Batman. You wanna know my secret identity?

Zamora:(Angrily) Do YOU, want a fist to the face?

Superman: Nevermind. He's the bad.

Batman: ME?! If anything, I'm the good and YOUR the Bad.

Superman: Or we're the good and THER'RE the bad!

Rocket: Or your the bad and we're the good and Bla,Bla,Bla! This conversation bores my Brains!

Superman: So welcome back to earth I suppose!

Star-Lord: This is awesome! There's so many things I missed out on! I got this thing called I-Pod. There's like a bazillion songs on it.

(Starts playing a song but soon his smile turns to a frown)

Song: Butt,Got a butt, You have a butt, I've got a butt, we all have Butts...

Star-Lord: You guys sing a lot about Butts now! Why do you do that?

Superman:(Embarrassed) I don't know...

Batman: Music got weird.

Superman: So anyways, you guys saved the galaxy! A lot of pilots died but hey you sort of held hands together and sort of made it all better.

Batman: Yeah you got that right. You also left an Infinity stone in a city that barely has any protection left!

Star-Lord: Do you even see where, I to the stone the first time? There was like NOBODY guarding it!

Superman: You guys and your infinity stones. So your like, half human and ha;f something else. Are you not the least bit interested in Knowing who your, own dad is?

(Star-Lord turns the music up on his I-Pod)

Star-Lord: WHAT?! Sorry i didn't hear you! Did you know they made Transformers movies?!

Zamora:(Loudly) He asked who your father is!

Star-Lord: They mad the Nijna Turtles into a movie too! Several Times!

Superman: I think he's conveniently avoiding the topic.

Drax: (To Batman) You! One who is part Bat and part man! Who is your father?

Batman: oh I'm not part bat. I just dress like a bat. BECAUSE I'M BAT...

Drax: Why do you dress like a bat?

Batman: To strike fear into the hearts of my enemies. Duh!

Drax: Bats are not scary, bats are tiny mammals.

Batman: Bats are totally scary!

Drax: You should be called normal man who dresses as Bat.

Batman: I'm not just a normal man, I'm Batman!

Groot: I am Groot.

Batman: I'm Batman!

Groot: I am Groot!

Batman: I'm Batman!

Groot: I am Groot!

Batman: I'M BATMAN!

Superman: This could go on for a while.

Groot: I am GROOT!

Batman: I'M BATMAN!

Groot: I am GROOT!

Batman: I'M BATMAN!

Groot: I am GROOT!

Batman: I'M BATMAN!!!

Groot: I AM GROOOOOT!!!

Batman: (Coughs) I'm getting the hiccups.

Star-Lord: G.I Joe got a movie too! Man, the future is AWESOM! I need to see these movies right now!

(Gets up and leaves screen goes black with a message saying Hours later Star-Lord is shown in a room after watching a movie looking disappointed.)

Star-Lord: Awe! Well now i know. (Turns to Groot) And knowing is ha;f the battle!

Groot: I am Groot!

(End credits then afterwards Groot is shown dancing on Xandor afterwards the camera pans out to reveal thousands of Groots dancing all over the place. Roman Dey runs up.)

Roman: Who the heck done planted all these Groots?!

The End