How Thor: The Dark World Should Have Ended



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TBA

Transcript
We begin with Thor approahing Heimdall.

Thor: Heimdall, my friend, How is my lady of Earth? How doth she?

Heimdall: She fares reaaaaally well, mm-hm.

Thor: Good.

Heimdall: She bathes as we speak.

Thor: That is good. (leaves... and then comes back) Wait, she's what?

Heimdall: I can see everything, man, and it is amazing.

Thor: (trying to cover Heimdal's eyes) STOP CREEPING ON MY LADYFRIEND, DUDE!

Cue title. We then see the death of Loki.

Thor: Loki!

Loki: (dying) I'm dead, my brother.

Thor: No!

Loki: Everything we've been through together has led to this swift and unexpected ending. Goodbye. Bleh! (dies)

Thor: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (gets up) Okay, let's leave his body here and get back to the situation at hand.

Jane: (suspiciously) Are you sure he's dead? He DID just make it look like your hand was cut off. And he IS evil.

Thor: He is dead, my love. See?

Jane: Yeah, I'm not buying it. Here! (kicks Loki in the nuts)

Loki: (wakes up) OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW! REALLY?! Okay, you caught me, alright?! I'm not dead! Jeez, right in the berries.

We then cut to, uh, Loki talking with Joker and Zod? Wha? Oh yeah, and Zod is wearing a neckbrace.

Loki: So they completely ruined my plan!

Joker & Zod: Ooooohhhhh...

Zod: Heroes are so annoying.

Loki: I know, right. Especially when they happen to be your perfect brother.

Joker: So then what'd you do?

Loki: I had to help Thor fight that stupid elf and then return to my cell in Asgard.

Zod: Oh, that is terrible.

Loki: I KNOW! I really thought I had it all in the bag too. I was going to fool everyone, take Odin's throne as my own, everyone would've been like "Sayeth What? Where's Odin? That's so evil!"

Hannibal Lector: I actually like Odin.

Loki: Pffft, you would.

Joker: So how did you escape?

Loki: Magic, Duh.

Joker: I love magic tricks. You wanna see this pencil disappear?

Malekith appears at the entrance.

Malekith: Hey, Loki! Thanks for hogging my spotlight, you jerk!

Loki: Hey, why don't you try to steal some magic gas no one cares about, Malekith?!

Zod & Joker laugh at that.

Malekith: I'm totes going to control the darkness and rule the universe!

Loki: You were foiled by two human scientists and two brainless interns carrying nothing but tripods!

Malekith: (thinks for two seconds) So?

Loki: So good day!

Malekith: Hmph! (leaves)

Loki: Amateur.

Zod: Noob thinks because he has an army, he's automatically the next big thing.

Joker: Well, Loki did kind of pull focus.

Zod: Well, wouldn't you?

Joker: Absolutely. You wanna know what I would have done? I would have said "You wanna know how I got these scars?"

Loki: And?

Joker: And then I'd blow something up. I don't know. I kind of like to keep people guessing.

Loki: (sighs) This sucks! Who knows how long it will take me to have Odin's throne now!

Zod: (chuckling) You know what's funny? If you had just been a good child, Odin probably would have just HANDED you the throne. Y'know, since Thor doesn't want it.

Loki: Yes, thank you for that reminder, General. You know what else is funny?

Zod: What's that?

Loki: If you had just colonized Mars, you could have saved your entire race.

Joker bursts into laughter as Zod gasps loudly at that revelation.

Zod: YOU'RE BLOWIN' MY MIND, LOKE!

The end.

Loki: I like this place. What is it called, by the way?

Cue the logo for... The Villain Pub!

YouTube Outro. Thor sits by himself, wondering where Superman & Batman have gone to.

Thor: (after nine seconds) You guys stood me up, didn't you?

Superman & Batman's heads appear at the left hand corner of the window, laughing quiety. They duck before Thor can spot them.

Batman: (quietly) Because I'm Batman.