How Joker Should Have Ended

Transcript
We open with Arthur, who has embraced the madness and become Joker, dancing down those steps... until he loses his footing.

Joker: Oh dang! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Our main character falls down the entire flight, breaking every bone in his body. The nurse from previous HISHE videos walks by the badly injured clown.

Joker: [in pain] Do you wanna know how I got down these stairs?

Nurse: Hmm, from falling?

Joker: From falling!

Joker: How It Should Have Ended

We cut to Arthur running after a bunch of kids that stole his sign for the place he works at the beginning of the film.

Arthur: Help!

Lead Kid: Hahaha! Stupid clown!

Random Kid: What are you gonna do now?

Arthur: They took my sign! Somebody stop them!

We pan ahead to the nearby adults witnessing this unfold.

Dude 1: Hey, that guy neds our help!

As the kids are about to run past, one of the adults trips them up.

Lead Kid: Oh, it's adults! Let's get out of here!

The kids run for their lives as Arthur gets his sign back.

Dude 2: [handing over the sign] Here you go.

Arthur: Wow. Thanks so much.

Dude 2: No problem. We gotta look out for one another, y'know. You can't let this garbage get to you.

Everyone bar Arthur: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Arthur: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Fast forward to the aftermath of Arthur killing Randall in front of Gary. Gary shivers and whimpers in terror at what he just witnessed.

Arthur: Have you ever heard of The Murray Franklin Show? I'm gonna be on it tonight. You can go, Gary. You were always nice to me.

We then cut to... Gary at a pay phone, calling The Gotham City Police Department.

Gary: Hello, Police? I want to report a murder, and I actually know where the killer's gonna be tonight!

We cut to the set of LIVE! with Murray Franklin.

Murray Franklin: Please welcome... Joker!

The curtain is raised and out walks Joker... only to be immediately tackled by a police officer.

Police Officer That Tackles Joker: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

Back-Up Police Officer: FREEZE, DIRTBAG!

Fast forward to Thomas Wayne talking to Martha about Arthur being his son. He's reads the letter Arthur's mother wrote to him.

Thomas: She's claiming he's my son, Martha! She's clearly crazy! And... lying. We can't let that kind of scandal go public!

Martha: I don't care if she's lying or not. That boy needs our help and WE can give it to him.

Thomas: I know, you're right. You're always right!

We cut to The Waynes bringing a young and abused Arthur to live with them.

Thomas: Welcome to your new home, Arthur.

Arthur: Hahahahahahaha.

We are treated to a montage of Arthur growing up with The Waynes, graduating College, becoming a comedian, witnessing the birth of Bruce, being an older brother to Bruce, performing his own stand-up show at a theatre with his new family watching, and ending with Thomas and Martha being murdered in from of him and Bruce (watch the actual video, this moment made me sad). We then fade to Arthur and Bruce on a rooftop as superheroes, in a homage to Batman: The Animated Series. Then, we cut to the newly christened Wisecracker and Batboy in The Super Cafe with an extremely confused Superman.

Wisecracker: So our parents were killed, and that's when we vowed to share an endless crusade as the crime fighting twosome... Wisecracker! And his trusty sidekick, Batboy! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Batboy: Hey, what's up? I'm Batboy.

Superman: Okay, something has gone wrong. This feels really weird.

Fast forward to the ending of the movie where everyone cheers for Joker. Joker accepts the praise... until he notices the neon sign for a familiar place we know and love.

Joker: Well, I could use a drink.

Joker heads down an alleyway, walking past Bruce and his dead parents.

Joker: That's hilarious!

Joker laughs as he walks into the 80's version of The Villain Pub. We cut to later as we see Joker has just finished telling his story to the patrons of that time period.

Joker: So that's how I became a supervillain with a massive clown army.

Zod: Supervillain?

Palpatine: I wouldn't go that far.

Beetlejuice: Yeah, I don't think any of that was real, bub.

Joker: What?!

Skeletor: Haha! Yes, I think you made it all up!

Joker: Are you calling me an unreliable narrator?

Skeletor: Yes.

Joker: *gasp* I'm insulted! Why would you say a thing like that? I was invited on TV. I shot the host and nobody stopped me, even though I just confessed to murder. That started a riot which caused Thomas Wayne, who may or may not be my biological father, to also get shot in the alley out back! Why does that sound so unbelievable?

Skeletor: Because you are delusional!

Shredder: Because your girlfriend wasn't real.

Megatron: Because you didn't have any master plan!

Cobra Commander: Yeah, that's not a supervillain! That's just super dark and depressing!

Joker: Well, every villain has to have a beginning, y'know. Maybe I'm just getting started. Maybe I'll go through multiple forms and right now I'm just learning as I go.

Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Joker: Stop laughing! I'm the one who laughs! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Someday I'll prove my supervillain-ness! You'll see. [gets up to leave] Next time you see me, I'll prove it! Who knows, next time I might even look like a totally different person! Maybe I'll look like Jack! You don't know!

Jack from The Shining: Everybody loves Jack.

Joker: No matter what, I'll just keep changing! You'll see! I'll be relevant for decades and you guys will just be stuck in The Eighties!

Joker leaves, laughing outside. Everyone in The Pub continues to stare at the door.

Shredder: What a loon.

Megatron: Yeah, no kidding.

Skeletor: I hope he does not become a regular here.

Cue brief silence.

Zod: I kind of liked him.

The end.

After the credits we are treated to a different take on the scene where Arthur meets Bruce outside Wayne Manor. Arthur has his fingers in Bruce's mouth, making a smile.

Bruce: Get your fingers out of my mouth!

Arthur: Hehe. Why?

Bruce transforms, and ages, into...

Batman: [shoving Arthur's wand up his right nostirl] BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!

Arthur: AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!