How Shang-Chi Should Have Ended

Transcript
We open with The Dweller In The Darkness absorbing the life force of The Mandarin while Shang-Chi watches.

Mandarin: Hey, guess what I just remembered?

Shang-Chi: What?

Mandarin: These rings give me eternal life! Hahahahahahaha! Which means...

Shang-Chi: You can't die?

Mandarin: DADDY CAN'T DIE! SKADOOSH!

Mandarin blasts The Dweller In The Darkness in the face with The Ten Rings.

How Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings Should Have Ended

We cut to the aftermath of a fight. All of the good guys glare at Mandarin.

Mandarin: Turns out you are right about that voice in my head not being my wife but... I took care of it so no worries.

Katy: DUDE, PEOPLE ARE DEAD NOW!

Mandarin: Yeah, my bad, guys. My bad...

Mandarin leaves... and Trevor Slattery appears with his butt chicken pet thingy.

Trevor: But I am not dead! Haha! You see, I was only acting as if I were dead. Hehehe.

Trevor takes notice of all the dead bodies.

Trevor: Oh but these other people, yes, they're... they're not acting.They are actually dead. Haha!

Fast Forward.

Shang-Chi has just finished explaining everything to his aunt.

Ying Nan: So you know the exact day that Wenwu will arrive with his army?

Shang-Chi: Yes, we don't have much time so you need to teach me how to remove the rings the same way my mother did when she faced my father the first time.

Ying Nan: Or you could just tell me when he's going to get here and I could remove the rings myself.

Shang-Chi: Oh yeah. Or we could do that, I guess. I mean, I thought it was going to be me but whatever.

Cut to a cavern and the heroes stand ready.

Shang-Chi: Okay, it's time.

A portal opens and several cars start driving through...

Ying Nan: ATTACK!!!

Cue the Shishi crushing all of the cars as they drive through the portal.

Random Mook: Oh wow, this is a pretty good portal-. OH MY GOSH, WOW!!!!

The Shishi destroy the remaining cars and leave Mandarin to the heroes. Mandarin takes this turn of events well.

Mandarin: WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA! WHO KEEPS WRECKING MY BAD GUY SQUAD?! Oh, it's you. Well, let's see how you like this!

Mandarin blasts the ten rings at our heroes... and Ying Nan takes them via magic or something.

Ying Nan: And thanks for the rings!

Mandarin: ... Well crap!

We cut to later in The Super Cafe.

Shang-Chi: So my aunt defeated my father but, more importantly, she didn't let me keep the rings!

Ying Nan: I am sorry, Shang-Chi. Hopefully one day, you will prove that you are worthy to hold them but, so far, all you've done is kill a man for revenge and survive some really cool surprise battles.

Shang-Chi: Yeah, so why isn't that enough? What, do you need references? Katy will vouch for me.

Superman: Where is Katy anyway?

Shang-Chi: Oh, she stayed back in Ta-Lo. Said something about "wanting to be with her people".

Cut to Ta-Lo as The Great Guardian flying across the lake with Katy, who has transformed into...

Sisu: WOOHOOHOOOOOOOO!!!

Cut back to The Super Cafe.

Superman: Wow. So what's next?

Shang-Chi: I guess I'm back to valeting cars now.

Superman: That's a shame.

Batman: Wealthy father, gets to drive fancy cars all the time, can kick the crap out of anyone. Sounds like a pretty awesome life.

Shang-Chi: Yeah. I guess I do have it pretty good, don't I?

Batman: Oh, I wasn't talking about you. I was just thinking about myself out loud, y'know? Because I have all those things. Hehe, because I'm-. WHAT THE HECK?!

Batman looks at his coffee and we see that someone has made a question mark with the foam(?) of his coffee.

Batman: WHO DREW THIS QUESTION MARK IN MY COFFEE?! WAS IT YOU?!

Superman: No, that was me. I just...

Batman runs out of the cafe.

Superman: I just wanted to interrupt your thing there.

Cue Batman appearing outside, glaring in at Superman.

Batman: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!

Fast forward.

But this is how it really should have ended...

The Dweller In The Darkness drains the life force of The Great Guardian. Katy arrives with Old Archer Guy.

Old Archer Guy: Aim for the throat!

The old guy gets grabbed by a soul eater thing. Over with Shang-Chi and Xu Xialing.

Xu Xialing: You have to let go!

Katy takes aim at the giant monster and fires her arrow. The arrow zooms towards The Dweller In The Darkness' throat... and cue the arrow plummeting towards the lake.

Katy: OH COME ON! I JUST STARTED PRACTICING YESTERDAY! YOU THINK I COULD BLAST A SOUL SUCKING MONSTER STRAIGHT OUT OF THE SKY?! WHO DO I LOOK LIKE, LEGOLAS?!

The Dweller finishes sucking The Great Guardian's soul and drops the souless dragon's husk as it achieves unimaginable power.

Katy: Uh oh...

Cue the dead body crushing her to death.

The End.

Cut to Wong meeting with Shang-Chi and Katy after the final battle and after they explained the whole story to their friends back in San Fransisco.

Wong: Shang-Chi?

Shang-Chi: Here.

Wong: My name is Wong.

Shang-Chi: Wong?

Wong: Yes, Wong.

Shang-Chi: I know. You say that a lot.

Wong: You need to come with me.

Shang and Katy stand up.

Wong: Oh sorry, not you.

Katy: What? Oh.

Wong: Just him.

Katy: Just him?

Wong: Sorry, we already have a bow and arrow person.

Katy: What about comic relief?

Shang-Chi: Yeah, she could do comic relief.

Katy: It's kind of what I'm known for.

Wong: Ant-Man is already pretty funny.

Katy: Okay. You need a bus driver? I don't know if you saw that but I drive a mean bus.

Wong: Hmmmmmmmmmmm... Your sister could come with us!

Katy: Okay.

Katy leaves.

Wong: She was an excellent fighter. Maybe even better than you.

Shang-Chi: I wouldn't say that...

Wong: Is your sister here, Shang-Chi?

Katy comes back.

Katy: NO, SHE AIN'T HERE, WONG!!!