How Aquaman Should Have Ended

Transcript
Ocean Master: Do you think this helmet makes me look stupid?

Mera's Dad: No. (snickering) No, You look totally awesome.

Suddenly, Karathen emerges from the sea floor.

Karathen: (singing) ♪The sea is aliiiiiiiiive with the sound of your♪ DEEEEEEAAAAAAATTTTTHHHHH!

Ocean Master: HOLY CRAP! (gets killed by a tentacle)

How Aquaman Should Have Ended

Open with Atlanna bidding farewell to Thomas Curry and preparing to swim back to Atlantis.

Atlanna: Oh my dearest, whom I love with all my heart. Now that I had destroyed your house, I must go back and marry the man I originally ran away from to make more babies because reasons.

Thomas Curry: Or maybe you could just... not do that.

Atlanna: You mean stay?

Thomas Curry: Yeah, I mean it took them like, what, two years to finally find us here. We could just move inland, and they'd probably never find us.

Atlanna: (heads back to the lighthouse) Oh, okay! Yeah, let's do that!

Fast forward to Vulko teaching a young Arthur about the ways of Atlantis, starting with his mom's trident (which has five points).

Vulko: This is a trident. Don't count the points, it's a trident and you're going to learn how to use it. Until you do, your name is... Shark Bait!

The Tank Gang from Finding Nemo: Shark Bait, ooo ha ha!

Fast forward to Aquaman leaving Black Manta and his dad to die in that submarine.

Black Manta: Help him! He's trapped! You can't leave him like this!

Aquaman: (looking at them) I'm not leaving anyone. I'm taking you to jail!

Cut to Aquaman pushing the submarine towards the shore.

Aquaman: WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Cut to Black Manta, his father, and his goons in jail.

Black Manta's Father: I'm very disappointed in you, son. I'm gonna need that knife back.

Fast forward to Arthur chained up in front of his brother and the people of Atlantis in the throne room.

Orm: Arthur, you are being tried for being our mother's first born and not caring about our fish ways. What say you?

Aquaman: ...

Orm: I said, what say you?!

Aquaman: (using his powers to summon nearby sealife) I say here fishy, fishy, fishy!

Cue Ride of The Valkyries playing as Aquaman summons every sea creature in existence to attack Orm.

Orm: What the? (gets attacked by Nemo and Dory) OH MY GOSH! THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM (gets attacked by everything and screams)

Fast forward to Vulko speaking to Aquaman in a room with a ring of fire before Aquaman faces his brother in one-on-one combat.

Aquaman: What is this place?

Vulko: It's The Ring of Fire, Shark Bait!

Tank Gang from Finding Nemo: Shark Bait oo ha ha!

Fast forward to Mera and Aquaman crashing their escape vehicle in underwater lava.

Mera: Hold on! I'm gonna crash us in the lava! (they eject as their vehicle crashes in the lava) There. Now they'll think we're dead.

Aquaman: Quick! Hide in this whale!

They hide in the whale like Pinochino. They listen outside to hear what's going on.

Soldier: Oh man, they crashed in the lava! They must be dead!

Orm: Well, did somebody check the tracking device?

Soldier: Oh yeah!

Mera's bracelet starts beeping.

Soldier: Hey, it says they're inside that whale right now!

The whale's mouth opens, revealing Orm and three Atlantean soldiers waiting outside.

Soldier: (aiming his gun) Freeze, sucka!

Aquaman: Aw, man!

Fast forward.

But this is how it really should have ended...

We see Aquaman talking to Karathen.

Aquaman: I'm just a dude trying to do what's right. And if that's not good enough, then screw you!

Karathen: If you can take the trident from Atlan's grip, then you shall be worthy of-.

Batman: (taking the trident) Don't worry, I got this.

Aquaman: What the?!

Batman emerges from the waterfall, wearing Aquaman's suit and wielding the trident, to the surprise of Mera, Queen Atlanna and Toothless (for some reason).

Batman: Because I'm Batman! (seeing Queen Atlanna) Hey-hey, Chase! What's up?! It's been a long time!

Cut to later in The Super Cafe. Aquaman is peeved.

Aquaman: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I DO NOT ACCEPT THIS!

Batman: Well, you kept telling that squid monster thing how much you were a nobody so I figured I'll just take it.

Aquaman: YOU STOLE MY VICTORY, BRUCE!

Batman: (to Mera) Hey, what's up? I'm Batman. D'you wanna know my secret identity?

Mera: Uh, is it Bruce?

Batman: Oh. You heard him say that, did you?

Aquaman: This is outrageous! You can not wield the trident!

Batman: Oh yes I can! Did you not hear me at the waterfall?

Superman: Why are you wearing those clothes? Did you take them off of a dead person?

Batman: Well, he obviously didn't need them anymore.

Mera: Isn't that like grave robbing?

Batman: Oh, so if I do it, it's rude! But if Aquaman does it, it's totally cool!

Mera: Yeah!

Aquaman: Just give me back my trident. Ocean Master must be stopped.

Batman: What for? Superman can handle it.

Superman: Yeah, I got this. No worries.

Cut to ♪Under Da Sea♪. Ocean Master readies his armies.

Ocean Master: Atlantis! Arise!

Superman: (appearing from nowhere) Your helmet is stupid! (punches Ocean Master so hard, it sends him up towards the surface)

Ocean Master: (after being punched) I KNEEEEEWWW IIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!

Cut back to The Cafe.

Batman: See? Justice League, bro!

Superman: Yeah, I thought we started something here. You can't just be going rogue on us now.

Batman: Yeah, where's Diana? Where's Flash? Where's Cyborg?

Aquaman: Uh, I don't know, having their own adventures. Look, I'm not going rogue. I'm having my own origin story, that also takes place after our team-up story.

Batman: Nobody wants that!

Superman: Justice League, man!

Cue Flash, Cyborg, and Wonder Woman walking by the window congratulating Aquaman. Wonder Woman is still playing Pokemon Go.

Cyborg and Wonder Woman: Hey hey, Aquaman!

Flash: Nice one!

Wonder Woman: You must be so proud!

Batman: See what I mean? They're devastated!

Aquaman: Could it be that maybe you guys are just a teeny bit jealous?

Superman: Whaaaaaaaat?!

Batman: What?!

Superman: No!

Batman: We're not jealous!

Superman: What would we ever have to be jealous about?

Aquaman: THAT EVERYONE EXPECT AQUAMAN TO BE LAME! And I made it look epic and exciting!

Batman: No! That's not...

Superman: That's great.

Aquaman: Or is it that I single handedly made over a billion dollars?

Superman and Batman: No!

Batman: Congratulations.

Superman: A Billion Dollars?!

Batman: I'm so happy for you.

Aquaman: Oh, I know what it is.

Batman: There's really no need to explore this.

Aquaman: It's because both my parents are still alive.

Batman: (Gaaaaaaaasp!) How dare you!

Aquaman: And their name's aren't Martha! (grabs his trident, Mera, and his costume and jumps through the ceiling) WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Batman and Superman begin to break down, crying because of that comment.

Superman: Oh, it's true!

Batman: Oh, it hurts! Why would you say that?!

Superman: I lost both my dads!

Batman: We both don't have parents!

Superman: I still have a mom! Kind of!

Batman: But Aquaman has both of them!

Superman: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!

Batman: It's so not fair!

Aquaman: (floating in midair with Mera) YEAH!

The End.

We end with Aquaman boarding the submarine and facing two Manta goons.

Aquaman: Permission to come aboard? (eyebrow twinkles)

Goon 1: AGH, TOO SEXY! (faints)

Goon 2: AGH, TOO SEXY! (faints)

Cut to a helicopter.

Winter Soldier: AGH, TOO SEXY! (crashes his helicopter into the submarine)