Super Cafe: Nostalgia Detective

Transcript
Superman is staring at Detective Pikachu, who is sitting beside Batman.

Superman: Bruce, I think I've been playing too much Pokemon Go.

Batman: Interesting.

Superman: Because right now it looks like there is a giant Pikachu sitting next to you wearing a Sherlock Holmes hat.

Batman: While I do think you are playing WAY too much Pokemon, I'm happy to report you are not seeing things.

Superman: Say what now?

Batman: There is in fact a Pikachu sitting next to me in a Sherlock Holmes hat.

Superman: (fangirling) WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! That thing is real?!

Batman: Yeah.

Superman: A real-life Pikachu?!

Batman: Yes it is.

Superman: You're telling me I'm looking at a real Pikachu?!

Batman: That's what I said.

Pikachu: He's really excited.

Batman: We call it fangirling.

Superman: Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh! This is so cool! (offers a handshake) Hello, Pikachu! I am so exciting to m-! I mean, it is so exciting to meet you!

Pikachu: (shakes Supes' hand) *Pika Pika! Pikachu!*

Batman: I know, right?

Superman: Where did he come from?

Batman: From Pokemon, duh.

Superman: I know that! I mean, why do you have him? Is he yours? Did you catch him?

Batman: No, he's not mine. He's just a detective for some reason. So I guess he came here because he wants advice from the greatest detective of all time.

Pikachu: *Pikachu?*

Batman: NO, NOT FROM COLUMBO! From me! You snarky fuzzball.

Pikachu: *Pikaaaa...*

Batman: Watch it.

Pikachu: *Chuuuuuuu.*

Superman: Hold on, wait a second! You can understand him?

Batman: Well, of course I can. Because I'm Batman. Apparently, the only ones who can are me and that kid from Jurassic World.

Pikachu: *Pika Pika.*

Superman: What is he saying?

Batman: Ah, just detective stuff. He also sounds exactly like Deadpool, which is really weird.

Pikachu: What's so weird about sounding like Deadpool?

Batman: Because Deadpool is nothing like Pikachu! That's why.

Pikachu: Hey, Dork Knight, not all Pikachus are the same. Besides, *Pika Pika, Pikachu!*

Superman just stares in confusion because he can't understand The Pokemon.

Batman: Well, I guess you guys do sort of have that in common. So anyways, I'm just teaching him everything he needs to know about being an amazing detective.

Pikachu: Right, amazing detective! Okay! Feed me, Pointy-Eared Man!

Batman: Okay, First thing you need... is a super-awesome butler. Do you have a super-awesome butler?

Pikachu: I have a super-awesome butt. It shoots all kinds of electricity.

Batman: Do you have endless amounts of money?

Pikachu: I'm worth about 15 Billion. Is that enough?

Batman: It's a start. Do you have access to a utility belt?

Pikachu: *Pika...*

Batman: Well... We've apparently got a long way to go.

Superman: A Detective Pikachu... I just can't believe this is how I'm meeting a real Pokemon for the first time.

Batman: What do you mean?

Superman: I don't know. I just thought it would have been with Ash and Misty or Team Rocket, certainly not as a detective.

Batman: I think The Pokemon Origin Story has been pretty much established. Plus, I think a real-life version of that story would be met with extreme prejudice if it wasn't perfect.

Superman: What, you think people would reject seeing live action versions of the original Pokemon cast?!

Batman: I can't tell if you're being sarcastic.

Superman: I'm serious! They're making everything into a movie now, why not this? I saw this live action trailer of The Lion King earlier and I thought it looked amazing!

Pikachu: *PikaCHUUU!*

Batman: He's right. That's not live action, dude. And second, I would argue it only looks amazing because you enjoyed the original so much.

Superman: So?

Batman: So powerful music is always powerful.

Superman: I don't understand why that's bad.

Batman: It means the music is doing the heavy lifting. You of all people should know what that's like.

Superman: What, heavy lifting?

Batman: No, powerful music in a trailer hyping up an otherwise average movie.

Pikachu: *Pika Pika.*

Batman: Hehehehehe.

Superman: Oh, ha ha. Very funny. You don't know.

Batman: I know making films on established characters is very delicate, so I think leaving the original alone and focusing on the obscure videogame title is actually pretty wise.

Pikachu: *Pika Pi!*

Batman: Exactly. This way, Pikachu gets to have a unique story while still having that precious nostalgia bait.

Pikachu: And it's also a way to capitalize on Ryan Reynolds.

Batman: That too.

Superman: That's kind of sad. Why does nostalgia bait have to be a thing?

Pikachu: (talking slowly) Because if you can make people remember something they loved when they were younger, they will get excited and want to watch it!

Batman: Which means the studios will make a lot more money. The Pokemon gets it. You might be a great detective after all.

Pikachu: *Pika Pika!*

Superman: That seems like such a gimmick. Who falls for that?

Batman: (after he drinks some coffee) Everyone.

Superman: Well, not me! I'm not gonna fall for that! I only want to enjoy original stuff from now on.

Deadpool: (carrying Fred Savage, singing to the tune of Circle of Life) ♪BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, FRED SAVAGE! WATCH MY MOVIE, YOU GUYS!♪

Choir: ♪Deadpoooooooooooool! Princess Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide (Cess Bride!)!♪

Superman: HA! Hey, I know who that is! That's that guy from that movie I liked back in the day! That's awesome! I'm definitely gonna go see that!

Batman: You see what I mean?

Superman: (realising what he said) Oh yeah...

Pikachu: *Pika Pi!*

Super Cafe: Nostalgia Detective

♪BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOSTALGIA GONNA MAKE MONEEEEEY OFF YOUR CHILDHOOOOOOOOOD EHEEEEYA! Oh that's right!

Cut to later. Deadpool is with Pikachu.

Deadpool: I'm Deadpool.

Pikachu: I'm Pikachu.

Deadpool: I'm Deadpool.

Pikachu: I'm Pikachu.

Batman: I'M BATMAN! That's enough. I'm Batman.

The end.