Villain Pub - The Imposter (Among Us Parody)

Transcript
Cue the theme song!

♪Making your way evil today sure does take alot

Thinking of ways to distribute hate takes everything you've got

Wouldn't you like to rule the place

Sometimes you wanna go where everybody hates your faaaaaaaaace

And the villains share your raaaaaaaaaaaage

You wanna be in the evil seat, heroes are all the same

You wanna go where everybody hates your face♪

(We see a session of Among Us underway as Joker's avatar kills Voldemort's avatar.)

Voldemort: Ah! Joker, you killed me!

Joker: Hehehehehehehe...

Voldemort: This sucks!

Joker: Ah ah ah! You can't talk when you're dead.

Mystique: Yeah, don't give him away! You're ruining the game for everyone else!

Voldemort: Good! If someone kills me, I will have my VENGEANCE!!!

Zod: Well now we all know it's Joker. Do over?

Joker & Mystique: Do over!

Khan: You're like those who maliciously post spoilers in the comments.

Voldemort gets up and heads for the bathroom.

Zod: Ugh, they're the worst.

Voldemort: Well, next time maybe you'll think twice! Now don't start the next round without-!

(As soon as Voldemort walks into the bathroom, he comes across an obscured thing that makes him look in slight shock.)

Voldemort: Um, guys? There's a dead body in here.

(Brief silence... and everyone laughs it off.)

Zod: And? (chuckles)

Joker: You don't say.

Mystique: Hahahahaha.

Voldemort: And it's Bowser.

(We get shown what remains of Bowser's lower torso.)

Palpatine: WHAT?!?! EMERGENCY MEETING!!!

(Palpatine assembles Joker, Voldemort, Zod, Mystique, Khan, and Thanos in the main room.)

Palpatine: Someone has killed my most trusted employee. It appears there is a killer... among us.

(Brief silence... and everyone bursts into laughter.)

Joker: I'd never have guessed!

Voldemort: No news there!

Palpatine: A killer... among us killers...

(Brief silence again... and everyone bursts into laughter again.)

Joker: And?

Palpatine: I'M SAYING THERE IS AN IMPOSTER IN OUR MIDST!

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!

Palpatine: Did anybody see anything?

Joker: No, we were all watching the game.

Palpatine: Thanos, you're the bathroom attendant. Where were you?

Thanos: I was... uh... polishing my gauntlet.

Joker: Sounds like something a killer would say.

Zod: Yeah!

Thanos: What?! Voldemort's the one who found him! Why don't you accuse him, or the blue girl?! Maybe she did it!

Mystique: I didn't do it!

Joker: You sure about that?

Thanos: You aren't around that often. Maybe someone's looking for attention.

Mystique: Oh, I can get PLENTY of attention, buster! Don't you worry about that! Thanos is just trying to make me look guilty!

Palpatine: Enough! Who here thinks it's Thanos?

(Everyone votes for Thanos, who then gets thrown into a pool of lava.)

Thanos was not The Imposter.

Thanos: This is bull-.

Palpatine: CRAP!

Zod: Who's gonna clean the toilets now?

Palpatine: We have more important problems! There is still a killer among us.

(Brief silence.)

Voldemort: Yes, but who is it?!

Palpatine: [handing out a list to each villain] Until we find another clue, here are a list of tasks to keep everyone busy.

Voldemort: [confused and annoyed] This just looks like a bunch of jobs your employees would normally do!

Palpatine: NO WHINING! Now get to work, and speak up if you see anything suspicious!

(Everyone gets to work. Voldemort nervously walks by Khan, Zod cleans the toilets now that Thanos is dead...)

Zod: Freakin' toilets... This is sick.

(Mystique checks herself via a scanner built into the jukebox, Joker destroys random places on Earth with the pub's laser, Palpatine scans a credit card to no avail. Then Khan and Mystique are dead.)

Zod: Oh no! It's KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!! ... And Mystique.

(Our main group gather in the main pub.)

Voldemort: I thought for sure it was gonna be Mystique.

Palpatine: Did anyone see anything?

Joker: Not me, I was doing my task.

Zod: All I saw was Jason running away from where Mystique was.

Palpatine: Jason...

Jason: Chi chi chi...

Palpatine: Are you killing villains in the pub? You can tell us if you are.

Jason: What?! No, that's silly! I would never do anything like that! Ah ah ah...

(Brief silence. Cue Jason falling from the atmosphere and into the ground.)

Jason was not The Imposter.

Jason: See? I told you!

Zod: Well, I thought I saw Jason.

Joker: Maybe... they were in disguise.

Voldemort: Who else do we know that can change their appearance?

Zod: The Thing is looking pretty sus, bro.

(Pan over to see The Thing from John Carpenter's The Thing just doing nothing.)

Voldemort: Yes. What do you have to say for yourself, Thing?!

The Thing: MREEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGGHHHHHGGHHHH!!!

(Cue The Thing being dropped into the pool of lava, screaming before it hits the lava.)

The Thing was not The Imposter.

Zod & Voldemort: Oops.

Voldemort: Well, who ELSE do we know that can change their appearance?

(As if on cue, Loki walks in.)

Loki: Hey, guys! I've been waiting forever. Are we gonna start the next round or what?

Everyone: LOKI!

Palpatine: Loki, where did you come from?!

Voldemort: Yes, God Of Mischief, who can look like anyone. Where have you been?

Loki: [stares in confusion] I've been downstairs in the billiard room waiting for the next round to start.

Joker: Sounds like something a KILLER WOULD SAY!

Loki: What?

Joker: You taken any trips to Mario World lately?

Zod: Yeah.

Loki: What are you talking about?

(Every one stares at Loki before we cut to Loki floating in space.)

Loki was not The Imposter.

Zod: Well, it wasn't Loki.

Palpatine: It could be anyone then.

(We are now treated to a montage of our main quartet blaming the rest of the pub attendees. First, a Xenomorph is stuck in an air vent.)

Voldemort: I saw Alien vent!

(Cue the Xenomorph floating in space.)

Alien was not The Imposter.

(Next, Michael Myers just stands doing nothing.)

Zod: Michael isn't taking out the trash! He's just standing there!

(Cue Michael floating in space.)

Michael was not The Imposter.

(Then, Joker stands beside Pennywise, who is doing his memic dance.)

Joker: Pennywise keeps being Pennywise!

(Cue Pennywise floating in space.)

Pennywise was not The Imposter.

Finally, we cut to the main room.

Voldemort:  THERE ARE TOO MANY THREATS TO WORRY ABOUT!!!

(Cue everyone else floating in space.)

Terminator, Predator, Cobra Commander, Chucky, Magneto, Ursula, and The Gremlins were not The Imposter.

Palpatine: Well, this is getting us nowhere!

Voldemort: Innocent evil villains keep getting punished for someone else's crime!

Joker: Um, guys? Zod is dead.

(We get shown Zod's dead body. A Kryptonite spear is lodged into the general's chest.)

Voldemort: OH NO! WHERE?!

Joker: Storage room. Kryptonite spear.

Voldemort: Where were you?

Joker: Where were YOU?

Palpatine: Enough of this. We will check the recordings. HAL is always watching. He will know the truth. HAL?

HAL-9000: Yes, Emperor?

Palpatine: Did you see who The Imposter is?

HAL-9000: Of course, The Imposter is-.

(HAL gets shut off.)

Voldemort: OH MY GOSH, HAL'S BEEN SABOTAGED!

(Cue the lights going out.)

Voldemort: OH NO!

Palpatine: Nobody move.

Joker: [gets out a knife] Oh no! One of you is using magic or something! You just keep your distance!

(Joker leaves.)

Voldemort: BUT I'M NOT THE KILLER!

Joker: [in the distance] SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A KILLER WOULD SAY!!!

Voldemort: *sobs in Dark Lord*

Palpatine: Voldemort.

Voldemort: What?

Palpatine: It is up to us now. You go to the electrical room and get the lights back on while I reboot HAL.

Voldemort: But Joker's out there!

Palpatine: If you are the killer, then Joker should be no match for you.

Voldemort: Right. I mean I'm not the killer, but right. Okay. I'm going to electrical.

(We cut to Palps fixing HAL.)

Palpatine: Blasted wires.

(As soon as Palps fixes HAL, the lights come back on.)

Palpatine: Good. Goooood. Vodemort, finally you do something-. AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

(Palpatine looks to see Joker's dead body.)

Palpatine: VOLDEMORT! YOU SICK DEMENTED WIZARD!

(He then sees "Voldemort" slowly approach the room.)

Palpatine: YOU JUST COULDN'T TAKE LOSING THAT VIDEO GAME, COULD YOU?!

???: Oh, I'm afraid it wasn't Voldemort~!

(The real killer tosses Voldemort's dead body into the room and walks in, revealing himself to be...)

Palpatine: Homelander.

Homelander: Hello, Palpatine.

Palpatine: I should have known. A villain playing the part of a hero. You ARE The Imposter!

HAL-9000: Emperor Palpatine, The Imposter is the one called Homelander.

Palpatine: Yes. Thank you, HAL. Maybe bring that up a little sooner next time.

HAL-9000: Yes, sir.

Homelander: I wouldn't call myself an imposter, so much as an all powerful misunderstood super being.

Palpatine: [prepares himself] You are no match for The Dark Side.

Homelander: * really deep sigh* I can do whatever I want.

(Homelander proceeds to murder Palps with his laser eyes. Then Palps wakes up in a fright and finds himself back in the pub serving drinks, revealing that everything that happened was just a dream. ... Or was it?)

Voldemort: Ah! Joker, you killed me!

Joker: Hehehehehehehe...

Voldemort: This sucks!

Joker: Ah ah ah! You can't talk when you're dead.

Mystique: Yeah, don't give him away! You're ruining the game for everyone else!

(To Palps' horror, Homelander appears before him.)

Homelander: Excuse me.

Palpatine: What did you say?

Homelander: I said do you have any milk?

(Cue brief tension as Homelander smiles.)

Palpatine: [cheerfully] Oh, milk! Of course! We have precisely the milk you so desire. Right this way.

Palps takes Homelander into the kitchen, leading the "hero" to a familiar fridge.

Palpatine: It is of the finest quality. I keep it in my private refrigerator so that none of my employees feel tempted to take any.

Homelander: Palps... You're a life saver.

(Homelander opens the fridge and is greeted by...)

Zuul: ZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL!!!!

Homelander: WHAT THE?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

(Homelander is dragged into the fridge, which closes once the villain is inside. Palpatine stares at the fridge before going back to work.)

Palpatine: In this case, yes. Yes, I do believe I am.

The Villain Pub: The Imposter

The End.