How Deadpool 2 Should Have Ended



Coming Soon

TBA

Characters

 * Deadpool
 * Colossus
 * Cable
 * Firefist
 * Vanessa Carlyle
 * Palpatine
 * Domino
 * Loki
 * Juggernaut
 * Sergei Valishnikov
 * Quicksilver
 * Batman
 * Pennywise the Dancing Clown
 * Random Meme Guy
 * Dopinder
 * Captain America
 * Joker
 * Voldemort
 * Thanos
 * Headmaster
 * Ryan Reynolds

Transcript
We open with the fight against The Juggernaut. Domino shoots at him.

Colossus: Vhy don't you pick on someone your own size?!

Deadpool: That's such a you thing to say. Go get 'em, Tiger! (taps Colossus' ass)

Juggernaut: Don't you know who I am?! I'm The Juggernaut, Bi-! (gets hit by one of Cap's new vibranium shields)

Captain America: LANGUAGE!!!!!!

Everyone stops and stares at Cap, whose shield doesn't return.

Deadpool: What?! Again?! You?! Repeating jokes. That's just lazy writing.

Captain America: Can someone throw that back please? I'm used to those coming back.

Juggernaut: I'm gonna tear you in half now!

Captain America: Uh-oh! (starts running as fast as he can)

Deadpool: Better run, Cap! He gets a little handsy!

Captain America: (in the distance) MY BAD! MY BAD! MY BAD!

Cue title. We open with Vanessa about to be shot. Before the bullet hits her, however, everything slows to a crawl. Cue Quicksilver coming in and moving the bullet away from Vanessa and moving Wade beside her.

Quicksilver: (to the audience) Bet you didn't see that coming.

Everything return to normal speed.

Deadpool: Well, actually the music kind of gave it away but thanks anyway.

Fast forward to the X-Force recruitment scene.

Domino: I'm lucky.

Deadpool: You're in.

Pennywise: I can take the form of your greatest fear.

Deadpool: Well, you're in.

Random Meme Guy I Know Nothing About: I HAVE DOUBLE SUN POOOOOWWWWWEEEEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!

Deadpool: Oh, you are definitely in!

Batman: And I'm Batman.

Deadpool: Aaaaaaaaaand what are your powers again?

Batman: My power is being awesome all the time.

Deadpool: Hmmmmmmm.... We already have a no powers guy.

Batman: And I'm putting together a team of people with special abilities.

Deadpool: Nooooo, I'M putting together a team of people with special abilities.

Batman: I was doing it first.

Deadpool: (looking at Justice League's box office info) I think you tried putting together a team and it didn't work out.

Batman: I don't think that's true.

Deadpool: I think it is.

Batman: You're probably wrong.

Deadpool: Do you want to be on my team or not?

Batman (after a beat) Yes please.

Cut to Deadpool's team and Batman jumping out of the plane.

Deadpool: (to the tume of 60's Batman Theme) ♪Dananananananananananananana FORNITE!♪

Batman: PUBG!

Fast forward to Cable wanting to work with Wade, who is regrowing his lower torso.

Deadpool: Cable, now that I'm having this little Winnie The Pooh moment here, it's got me thinking. If you're trying to stop Russell from becoming evil, why don't you go back and stop the ones responsible for driving him to madness instead of this John Conner, Terminator knockoff story thing?

Cable: Hmmmmmm...

Cut to Cable pulling a Marty McFly on the headmaster of that building run by Mister Sinister by waking up the same way.

Headmaster Dude: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Who are you?!

Cable: My name is Cable, and I'm from the planet Vulcan. Ha, I'm just kidding. But I am from the future and I'm here to tell you that your methods caused the death of millions and I'm going to kill you if you don't change the way you treat Mutants. Okay?

Headmaster Dude: Okay!

Fast forward to the climax where Russell goes bananas.

Russell: I can't trust you! I can't trust ANYBODY! (unleashes his full power)

Deadpool: Wait! Wait! I have one more idea.

Everyone stares in shock and anticipation... only for Deadpool to shoot Headmaster Dude in the head.

Deadpool: There's a better place we can go. Follow me.

Cue them taking Russell to Charles in the same vain as Frozen HISHE.

Charles: Hello, Russell. My name is Charles Xavier. Welcome to my school for gifted youngsters.

Russell smiles. We cut to later at a food truck called Machete-Changas, where all The Anti-Heroes hang out. Deadpool, finishes telling his story to Cable and Domino.

Deadpool: And that's how I saved Russell from Cable's wrath. Well, temporarily saved him. He's still not convinced I fixed him but at least I taught him not to kill people just because they are mean to you and that's what's important.

Domino: Except that we still MURDERED everyone at the orphanage.

Deadpool: They were attacking us! Our actions were completely justified.

Cable: Except that you can't die.

Deadpool: Okay, let's not compare my actions to my words here, people. I'm trying to be a positive influence here. Tell them, Dopinder.

Dopinder: I want to bathe in the blood of my enemies just like you, DP.

Deadpool: (sighs) Okay, we really need to tone down your level of Anti-Hero. You are seriously pushing the boundary!

The end.

And this is how the credits should have ended.

We see Wade after saving Vanessa.

Deadpool: I'll be right back. And we're definitely naming our kid Cher! (travels through time)

We cut to Ryan Reynolds about to look at the script for Green Lantern.

Ryan Reynolds: Welcome to the big leagues, kid.

Deadpool tries to shoot him like in the movie but nothing happens.

Deadpool: Why isn't this working?!

Ryan Reynolds: (turns around) Who are you?

Deadpool: Oh, I see what's happening. I can't shoot myself because if I did that, I couldn't actually go on to become this Deadpool, who wants to go back and shoot myself. (chuckles) Silly paradox. Ah well.

Suddenly, something in Deadpool's pocket goes off.

Deadpool: Ooh, what's that? My time pager? Now who could be contacting me at this-?

Pager Message: Chimichanga's are in the fridge. Please help us. Palps.

Deadpool: Hour. Well well well, looks like I've got a few more timelines to fix.

We smash cut to Thor throwing Stormbreaker at Thanos, cutting off his left arm and The Infinity Gauntlet. Thor places his hand on Thanos.

Thor: I told you, you would die for that.

Thanos: You should have... Aimed for the head.

Thor: Y'know, I was thinking the exact same thing. But then I thought... Naaaah, the arm is good.

The two of them look and see...

Deadpool: (taking The Gauntlet and putting it on) Oooh, neat glove! I love a bedazzler! If I wasn't wearing a mask, you could see this puts a smile on my face.

Thanos glares angrily at Wade.

Deadpool: Peace out, Cable! What wrong with your chin? (teleports away using the gauntlet)

We cut to later in The Villain Pub. Everyone bar Thanos stares in confusion at Deadpool as he finishes telling them that he saved their asses.

Deadpool: And that's how I saved all of you from disintegration.

Palpatine: That sounds... highly unlikely.

Deadpool: Well, it was either that or go on a quest for revenge killing the entire Marvel Universe which, although it would've been really fun, would have taken way too long to animate. So I just grabbed the stones and stopped it all from ever happening. (looking around) Hey, you got any more chimichangas? Don't worry. I'll just will some into being. (does just that)This glove is awesome! You see that, Thanos? I needed some more resources so I just made them. You should consider that an option.

Thanos: (triggered) IT WAS MY TIME!!! You wrecked my time!

Deadpool: You can sit and watch the sun rise any *BLEEP*ing time you want, Thanos! You don't have to kill half the universe to do it!

Thanos: Yes, I do.

Deadpool: No, you don't.

Thanos: (muttering) It was my time.

Deadpool: So anyway, no need to thank me. I got all the thanks I need right here. I think I'll call her Betty White. (gets up) Welp, I think I'll be on my way.

Palpatine: You aren't going to leave the gauntlet here?

Voldemort: Oh, the Avada Kedavra's I could dish out with that device!

Joker: Yeah, let us keep it.

Deadpool: Ohoho nonono. Me and this golden girl aren't ever going to part, I'm afraid. Are we, girl? She says no.

Joker: Aaaawwwww.

Voldemort: You're no fun.

Deadpool: What's that? *GASP!* Betty! We can't say that here! We'll get demonetized! Classic Betty.

Thanos: Then tread lightly, Wade Wilson. I did not sit in that chair for 10 years for nothing. I will have what is rightfully mine, You loudmouth sad excuse of a-! (gets his mouth removed the same way Starfox did in the comic version of the story)

Deadpool: What's that, One-Armed Willy? I didn't hear you. All right, you guys be good now! (teleports away)

The end.

After the credits, we cut back to The Villain Pub for the return of...

Loki: Hello, Everyone! I'm baaaaaaaack! (walks over and sits beside Voldy and Joker) Have I got a story for you. Faked my own death again. Hahahahahahahahaha. (points to a sad Thanos) He knows, he was there.