The Avengers - Best Picture Summary 2020

Transcript
We open with Thor (who is no longer fat as hell) arriving at The Avengers Compound and walking towards Tony (who ain't dead) and Cap (who ain't no old man), who are sad and bothered by something.

Thor: Huzzah, Brothers! How goes it?

Tony: [depressed] Oh hey, Thor.

Thor: You seem troubled. Why?

Cap: Did you hear the news?

Thor: Yes! [shows a picture of Jane showing off her midriff in the first Thor HISHE] I can't believe Jane is coming back! It's gonna be-.

Tony: We weren't nominated for Best Picture!

Thor: [throwing the picture off to the side] Sayeth WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?!?! How is that possible?! Literally everyone was in it!

Cap: We know.

Thor: But we had the most financially successful and critically acclaimed movie arc of all time.

Tony: Yep.

Thor: The payoff of 21 films coming together in an emotionally stirring way.

Cap: Yeah.

Thor: That left audiences totally satisfied!

Suddenly, outside in the money tree area, Thanos emerges from a huge pile of money.

Thanos: Not all of us were satisfied!

Tony: Go away, Thanos! Nobody likes you anymore!

Thanos: [saddened, slinks back into the pile of money] Aaaaaaawwwwwww, It was my time...

Cap: It's not fair! The Academy just hates superhero movies!

Black Panther: [walking past with a pile of money] Yes, they never nominate superheroes. That'd be crazy, right?

Thor: I got fat for that movie! Do you know how hard that is for me? How can you not nominate us? We are The Avengers! What could the nominees possibly have that we don't?

Cap: 1917, A World War.

Thor: Pfffffft! Please. We had an INFINITY War.

Doctor Strange: Oh, I did like the acting in that one though.

Cap: Ford V Ferrari, men obsessed with automobiles.

Tony: Have they even SEEN my car collection?

Cap: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, altering history.

Thor: WE altered history! We literally went back in time to save everyone!

Black Widow: Except me!

Tony: Oh yeah, except Black Widow.

Thanos: [with The Rat That Saved The Universe sitting on his shoulder] AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR THAT STUPID RAT!!!

Cap: Parasite.

Brief pause.

Cap: Y'know, I'm gonna be honest with you, I actually haven't seen this one.

Tony: Same here. Subtitles are hard.

Thor: I'm too lazy to read.

Cap: The Irishman, Martin Scorsese's 3 hour gangster epic.

Tony: Oh yeah.

Thor: Delightful.

Thanos: Pure cinema.

Hawkeye: Whatever the opposite of a theme park is... it was that.

Cap: Little Women, young women challenging the status quo.

Tony: We have strong women! They had a huge girl power scene and everything!

Captain Marvel: That's what I'm saying!

Cap: Marriage Story, a movie where Kylo Ren fights with-. *GASP* WHAT?!

Everyone notices Scarlett Johansson on the poster.

Black Widow: What? I like to fight around.

Thor: YOU WERE NOMINATED AND NOT US?!

Prof. Hulk: Not cool, Natasha! Hulk sad! [runs off crying]

Tony: Apparently we should have just screamed at each other for two hours!

Black Widow: Relax, it's probably just a fluke or something.

Cap: JoJo Rabbit, starring-.

Everyone sees Scarlett Johansson on the poster again.

Cap: *GASP* AGAIN?!

Thor: You can't be serious!

Tony: What is happening here?!

Thor: Another one?!

Black Widow: [as she receives a round of applause] They love me! They really love me!

Thor: I actually like the JoJo one. I think the directing is magnificent.

Cap: Yeah, any movie that makes fun of Nazis is okay in my book.

Thor: I think that one should win.

Tony: Any other nominations?

Cap: And finally... Joker.

Thor: WHAT?! THE CLOWN MANIAC?!

Tony: WHY WOULD THEY NOMINATE A VILLAIN FOR AN OSCAR?!

Joker: I think you mean 11 nominations. [leaves] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Tony: Unbelievable!

Thor: This is ridiculous!

Cap: Who let him in here?! [looking at Black Widow] Was it her?!

Thor: Well, this just makes me sad. If you don't mind, I'm going to dry my tears with our billions and billions of dollars.

Tony: Yeah, I'll join you.

Suddenly, Spider-Man arrives with an envelope.

Spider-Man: Good news, everyone! We're nominated for an Academy Award!

Tony: What, really?

Hawkeye: Don't do that. Don't give me hope.

Thor: Tell us, Adolescent Arachnid.

Spider-Man: We got nominated for Best Visual Effects!

All of The Avengers just groan and leave after hearing that news.

Thanos: It's all thanks to me.

The Avengers: Best Picture Summary 2020

We cut to later. Vision, holding Heimdal's sword, is now gold and standing in an Oscar pose.

Thor: [walking by] It's just not the same.

Vision lowers his head in sadness.

The end.

Trivia

 * When Joker arrives at the Avengers compound, Captain America accuses Black Widow of letting him in, asking, "Was it her?!" This is a reference to Her, a film starring Joaquin Phoenix (who played Joker in Joker) and Scarlett Johansson (who plays Black Widow).