How Suicide Squad Should Have Ended



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TBA

Transcript
Chairman: What if Superman flew into The White House and kidnapped the President. Who would've stopped him?

Random General: Superman is dead.

Chairman: But WHO would've STOPPED him?

Random Dude: Batman would! We'd call Batman. What were we talking about?

Waller: I think we should use bad guys! I've assembled a team of misfits that can do some good. I'm holding them hostage to do my bidding.

Random General: That sounds really dangerous.

Waller: Let me demonstrate.

June: Enchantress. (changes into Enchantress)

Waller: Go get it, girl.

Enchantress then turns into smoke... and gets her heart back as well as stabbing Waller in the heart. Everyone panicks.

Enchantress: Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Dance! (causes the place to explode)

Cue title.

♪Enchantress is much faster than you know! She'll stab you and the fat girl that's for sho!♪ Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Dance!

Cut to June uncovering Enchantress' containment thingy.

June: What's this? An artifact? So delicate. I should... (moves to break the head and then backs up) Preserve this so it doesn't EVER get damaged or broken because I'm a good archaeologist. (sets it at the shrine) There we go.

Enchantress: Aw, nuts.

Fast forward to Harley and Joker in their car. Batman lands on the roof, singing the theme song to his game, Batman Go!

♪I wanna be the very best Batman ever was♪

Harley: You're ruining Date Night! (starts shooting)

♪To fight crime is my real test Justice is my cause Batman Go!♪

The car drives into the sea.

Harley: Puddin', I can't swim!

Batman jumps in.

♪Gotta catch 'em all!♪ Splash!

He searches the car. Harley wakes up but Batman knocks her out with one punch. He removes his breathing apparatus to finish the song underwater.

♪Shoot at me and I'll punch you Bat-Man-Gooooooooo! Batman Go!♪

Fast forward to Katana's introduction.

Flagg: I would advise not getting killed by Katana! Her sword traps the souls of it's victims!

Harley: Ooooh, that sounds exciting! D'you think we'll ever get to see that happen?

Katana: ... No.

Diablo: Why did you even bring it up, man?

Flagg: I dunno.

Fast forward to Joker arriving at the helipad to get Harley in the helicopter he stole. The Squad, Flagg, and Waller take cover.

Deadshot: HARLEY!

Joker: C'mon, baby!

Waller: Kill her!

Flagg: It's not working! Her nanites have been disarmed!

Waller: What do YOU have, a water pistol?!

Flagg: Oh, right! (shoots Harley in the side of the head)

Harley: No!

Joker: Oh...

Harley dies. Cue crickets chirping.

Joker: Welp... Bye! (leaves in the helicopter)

Fast forward to Diablo's sacrifice.

Diablo: I've already lost one family! I'm not going to loose another! (walks off)

Deadshot: Wait, family?

Diablo: Yeah, y'know familia?

Harley: Yeah... Family seems a bit premature.

Boomerang: We just met today, mate.

Deadshot: Yeah, and you, like, just started fighting with us as a team a few hours ago.

Flagg: And only because Deadshot yelled at you.

Harley: Maybe... Friends? How does that work? Will you fight 'em for your new friends?

Diablo: Yeah, sure. Okay. Friends. That'll work. Maybe acquaintances?

Boomerang: Yeah, acquaint-.

Incubus pops up and murders them. Fast forward to Enchantress' being exposed.

Flagg: Her heart's out! We can end this! Hey, Croc! (throws the bomb over to Croc)

Boomerang: Hey, Crocodile Man. D'you mind if I give it a throw? I mean throwing is sort of my thing and I haven't really done anything. D'you mind?

Croc gives him the bomb.

Boomerang: Okay, sweet! Thanks, mate. One boomerang explosion coming right up! (throws the bomb) Oh poop, it's coming right back. LOOK OUT!

The bomb comes back and kills everyone. Fast forward.

But this is how it really should have ended...

Everyone survives and June is free from Enchantress' possession. Waller comes in.

Waller: Not so fast.

Deadshot: How are you not dead?!

Waller: I was saved at the last-.

Deadshot: Y'know what, never mind. (shoots her in the head and shoots the bomb activator) Now she's dead. That gonna be a problem?

Flagg: Nope, actually I'm good.

Diablo: (arrives, covering his junk) Hey! ¿Qué pasa, homies?

Harley: Diablo, how are you not dead?

Diablo: Well, it's just fire so y'know. Plus, everyone else got to live so why not, right?

Deadshot: Huh. Well, I could use another drink.

Flagg: Me too.

Harley: Oh, I know just the place.

Cut to The Villain Pub. Joker is singing.

Joker: ♪I started a joke...♪

Zod: What's his problem?

Joker: ♪But they cut me out of my movie!♪

Loki: Oh... The Cutting Room Blues.

Joker: ♪Now I finally see... That the joke was on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...♪

Harley: (hugging Joker) Puddin'! Oh, how I missed your sweet song of a voice!

Joker: Um... Thanks. I missed you, too.

Deadshot: And she was gonna have us executed if we didn't do what she said.

Flagg: Deadshot here put one right between her eyes.

Deadshot: And now we're free.

Palpatine: How wonderful for you, except you seem to forget one part of that story.

Voldemort: The part where they still have explosive devices in their heads?

Palpatine: No, the part where you chose to save the world. Do you know who does that?

Harley: Who does that?

Palpatine: The hero.

Voldemort: Yes. How are you villains exactly?

Deadshot: We were in jail.

Voldemort: And?

Deadshot: So that makes us the bad guys.

Katana: I am not a bad guy.

Flagg: Yeah, me neither.

Croc: And I'm just too sexy.

Voldemort: I'm not comfortable with this, Palps! This is supposed to be the epic hive for scum and villainy. The keyword being villainy.

Boomerang: Oh, you're the magic bloke, right? (does the magic thumb trick) Look here, (gasp) magic. Whooooooo.

Voldemort: Ugh, bring back Enchantress. She was a real villain.

Joker: You know who was the real villain in that story?

Voldemort: Who, you?

Joker: No! I'm barely in that story! Weren't you paying attention?! The real villain is Waller.

Voldemort: Oh yes.

Zod: Now that's an evil woman.

Loki: The Devil.

Palpatine: Yes, and you killed her right after you saved the world. Bouncer!

Cut to outside an alleyway. The Squad gets thrown out of the entrance.

Deadshot: You did NOT just throw me out!

Voldemort: Come back when you've done something evil!

The door closes. We slowly pan up to the top of a nearby skyscraper to see...

Batman: (watching via binoculars) Well well well, what do we have here?

To be concluded...