How Casino Royale Should Have Ended

Transcript

 * James Bond 5: Wait just a minute, let me shoot him just one last time.
 * James Bond: You've had your turn. I want to shot.
 * James Bond 4: No, really I should get him to shoot.
 * James Bond 3: No, I want to shoot him, let me.
 * James Bond 2: I was the original and the best, I get to shoot him.
 * (Title card: How Casino Royale Should Have Ended)
 * M: Thanks to you, Le Chiffre has lost $100 million in terrorist funding and we now know exactly where he is going to be.
 * James Bond: Excellent, let's go arrest him immediately then, shall we?
 * M: Not yet, in order to recoup his client's money, he is staging a high stakes poker tournament in Monte Negro. We want you to go there, play in the tournament and stop him from winning back his money.
 * James Bond: You want me to play cards against him?
 * M: Yes, so that he will lose.
 * James Bond: Will the tournament be fixed?
 * M: No, you must win fair and square. So play cards well or we will have funded international terrorism.
 * James Bond: I don't understand, we know he's guilty do we not?
 * M: Yes.
 * James Bond: Does the poker tournament make him more guilty or something?
 * M: No, but if he loses, he'll be completely desperate for protection from his creditors.
 * James Bond: But, isn't he completely out of money now? Why would we risk him winning this tournament if it proves nothing and only stands to potentially give him back his power?
 * M: Listen to me, you will go Monte Negro and play in this poker tournament. People will most likely try to kill you in the middle of the game but don't worry because we're going to give you an extremely expansive car with a defibrillator in the glove box if your heart stops beating. After you win all the money, and Le Chiffre is scared crazy for his life, he will hold you hostage and smash your testicles with a giant rope over and over again to get you to reveal the password to once against lost his money. And then after you continually refuse, he will suddenly murdered and we will be right back when he started. Except your testicles.
 * James Bond: Don't get me wrong, but this sounds like a horrible idea. Let's just bring him in to custody now.
 * M: Ugh, okay, fine.
 * Le Chiffre: I'll never tell you everything! You understand me?!? Never!! Never going to talk!
 * M': You see how boring that was, James?!
 * James Bond: It's safe now, why are you doing this?
 * Woman: I love you, James! Now I must kill myself for no reason!
 * James Bond: But, I killed all the bad guys! HUGHHHH! Thanks for watching.. Watch some more videos. Ahhhh. Don't forget to subscrive. We're on Facebook and Twitter. Ahh Okay! We'll see you next time!