How Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) Should Have Ended

Plot
Harley Quinn gets an alternate ending in the Birds of Prey HISHE

Transcript
We open with random text and Harley narrating before fading to our anti-heroine walking away from the currently exploding Ace Chemicals Building.

Harley: They say if you want to tell a story right, you gotta start at the beginning. Or you can just change the ending with a nit picky video about it later on YouTube.

Cue a bit of debris crushing and killing Harley before we get to the title of the video in question.

How Birds Of Brey And The Fantabulous Emancipation Of One Harley Quinn Should Have Ended

Oh my gosh, this title is so long. Let's just call it...

The Birds Of Prey HISHE

We cut to Victor Zzazz and Black Canary reporting back to Black Mask after losing his diamond to Cassandra Cain In Name Only.

Victor: We lost the diamond.

Black Mask: What?!

Black Canary: I'm really sorry, Mr. S. This kid...

Victor: We never even got our hands on it.

Black Canary: That's not true!

Black Mask: WHAT?!

Victor: Shut up! Yes it is! Don't listen to her, Boss. She's lying.

Black Canary: No I'm not! I had the diamond but this fool took it from me because he didn't trust me carrying it, then he got himself pick pocketed by a little kid!

Victor: No I didn't! Shut up! *whispers* I hate you so much!

Black Mask: Victor, why would you do that? Why would you lie to me? I'm going to have to ask you to cut your own face off now!

Victor: But I... But I don't want to.

Black Mask: [places a hand on Victor's shoulder] Aw... I'm sorry, Buddy, but you don't have a choice.

Victor: Aw...

Fast forward. Harley invades the police station and attacks the police with her weird weapons of choice.

Random Cop: SHOTS FIRED! SHOTS FIRED! [gets taken down]

Random Cop 2: It's Harley Quinn!

Random Cop 3: She's using non lethal glitter bombs! [gets taken out]

A couple more cops get taken out as we cut to the office of the captain of the GCPD.

Random Sergeant: Harley Quinn's taking us out one by one!

Captain: Well, Genius, stop taking turns and group up then!

Cut to Harley walking into the cell room... and is met by every other cop in the building.

Cops: FREEZE!!!

Cut to Harley in a jail cell.

Harley: Well poop.

Fast forward. Black Mask's thugs arrive to talk to Harley's Landlord (I think, I haven't watched this movie).

Thug: We heard you know where Harley Quinn lives. Tell us where she lives!

Landlord: ... No.

Thug 2: [shows off a briefcase full of money] We'll give you lots and lots of money.

Landlord: ... No.

Thug: Okay, I guess we'll just go ask someone else then.

The thugs leave.

Fast forward. Black Canary and Victor prepare to drive off to get Harley.

Black Canary: Okay, let's go bring back Harley Quinn and that diamond stealing kid from the funhouse! Just gonna put my phone in my pocket so no private text message pops out in the open while we drive.

Victor: What are you talking about?

Black Canary: Nothing! And we're off.

They drive off to their destination. Canary's phone goes off in her pocket, meaning she got a text message.

Black Canary: And we're off.

Fast forward.

BUT THIS IS HOW IT REALLY SHOULD HAVE ENDED

We cut to the climax of the movie. Harley looks for Black Mask in the fog.

Black Mask: YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN STAND ON YOUR OWN, QUINN! YOU'RE NOT THE TYPE! YOU NEED ME!

Harley: I'm the one they should be scared of! Not you, not Mr. J.

Black Mask emerges from the fog with Cassandra Cain In Name Only.

Harley: BECAUSE I'M HARLEY F***IN' QUINN!

Then suddenly!

Batman: [appearing out of nowhere and taking down Black Mask] NO, BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!!! I GOTCHA!

Batman swings off with Cassnadra.

Harley: OH, COME ON!!!

Cut to Batman swings in the air with Cassandra Cain In Name Only.

Cassandra: Let me go!

Batman: You're supposed to be Batgirl! [notices Cass holding a grenade pin] What is that?

Cue Black Mask exploding into pieces. Batman looks back in shock.

Cassandra: Oops. :D

Batman: You obviously have a lot to learn!

We cut back to our heroines.

Harley: Son of a crap nugget!

Black Canary: Harley!

Rene Montoya: What happened?

Harley: Batman just swooped in and took everything!

Rene Montoya: OH, C'MON! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

Huntress: Well, this IS Gotham City. He was bound to show up sooner or later.

Harley: I really thought this time was gonna be different, not the usual song and-.

Cue the arrival of Joker! ... The Arthur Fleck Version. And he's going through an emo phase.

Joker: Hey.

Harley: [looking to see who just spoke] Dance?

Rene Montoya: Oh no.

Harley: *GASP!* PUDDIN'!

Joker: Sup?

Harley: [checking him out and liking what she sees] You look... different.

Joker: Mmhmm. I know.

Harley: You look good.

Joker: You wanna get out of here? Get into some trouble?

Harley: [getting turned on slightly] Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! I don't need you! Haven't you been paying attention? I got my girls now.

Black Canary: Yeah!

Huntress: Yeah, screw you, Clown!

Joker: [tosses away his cigarette] Whatever. I don't care. See ya.

Joker walks away and heads for his next destination, while Harley is now extremely turned on now.

Harley: Ooooooooooooooooh!!! He's so mysterious in that rebel without a cause sort of way. I just can't resist it. [runs after Joker] PUDDIN', WAIT FOR ME!

Black Canary: Harley, no!

Rene Montoya: Yeah, don't be stupid!

Harley: I'm sorry, girls. He just... looks like what I wanted the first time.

Cut to later in The Villain Pub, now fully reopened.

Harley: So we're back together.

Palpatine: Ugghhh...

Everyone Else: Lame!

Voldemort: After the way he's treated you?

Zod: Yeah, I thought you would have shot him in the nuts!

Voldemort: So did I!

Palpatine: Exactly.

Harley: Oh, I'd never do that to my snookums! Besides... I was out of bullets.

Cue everyone laughing their asses off, and Joker laughing nervously.

The End.

Cut to later in a random cafe where The Birds Of Prey are hanging out at, bored out of their minds. Batman arrives with the diamond.

Batman: You ladies have a cafe too? That's cool.

Black Canary: Yup.

Batman: So anyways, your friend pooped out this diamond and said it belonged to you. So I thought I'd bring it over because... well...

Black Canary: Because you're Batman?

Batman: I was gonna say because it's gross and I don't want a nasty poop diamond, but sure I am also Batman.

Batman tosses the diamond to Huntress.

Batman: I would wash that if I were you.

Huntress: Thanks.

Cue Batman trying to hit on her and the others for good measure.

Batman: So... Your rich parents were killed and now you channel that rage to fight crime. I know what that's like. Do you wanna know my secret identity?

Huntress: Do you know who I am?

Batman: I'm saying do YOU wanna know who I am?

Cue Huntress pulling out her crossbow.

Batman: Okay! [slides up beside Rene Montoya] Sooooooo... The cops in Gotham don't like you either. Do you wanna know my secret-?

Rene Montoya: You're barkin' up the wrong tree there, Batboy.

Batman: [realising what she might mean by that] Oh, okay. [slides up beside Black Canary] SOOOOOOOOOOOOO... You have super sonic voice powers. I can make my voice sound different with technology. Do you wanna know my-?

Black Canary: [looks right into Batman's face] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Batman: [while being blasted away by Black Canary's sonic scream] OHMYGOSH!!!

Cut to later in The Super Cafe. Superman smirks at the battered Batman.

Superman: So you struck out?

Batman: WHAT?!