Avengers: Endgame Alternate HISHE

Avengers: Endgame Alternate HISHE

We open with Nat, Tony, and Prof. Hulk realising where The Time Stone could've been in 2012.

Natasha: Guys, there are three Infinity Stones in New York if we pick the right year.

Prof. Hulk: Shut the front door!

We cut to outside. Someone literally shuts the front door. We cut back to the brainstorming session.

Tony: Well, all six stones are at Thanos' garden if we just go back there and get them before he destroys them.

Prof. Hulk: Shut the other front door.

The other front door can be heard being closed as Thor walks in with a beer in his hand.

Thor: I'll go back to the garden. I would very much like to kill Thanos a second time. *burp!*

Tony: Uuuuuhhhh... I don't know, pal. I don't know if you're in the best shape to do this.

Prof. Hulk: I think we should just do the separate timelines plan.

Thor:*burp!* Nonsense, we have a time machine. There's no rush. [walks off-screen] All we need is a fitness montage and I'll be fine.

SpongeBob Narrator: One Fitness Montage Later...

Thor: [walks in looking like his normal self while keeping the sunglasses on] See? Okay, I'm ready.

Steve: Let's go get this son of a language!

We cut to our heroes using the time machine.

Prof. Hulk: Time Travel!

They go back to...

THE GARDEN BEFORE THANOS DESTROYED THE STONES

We cut to Thanos walking across his farmland.

Thanos: [to the tune of Bingo Was His Name-o] ♪Half of the universe had to die so I could have these plants...♪

Thor: [far up in the atomsphere] MAGIC AXE GO!!!

Thanos: [looking up in confusion] What the heck?

Cue Stormbreaker zooming in and cutting off Thanos' entire left arm before he can use The Stones.

Thanos: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGHGGHGOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!

Thor: [off-screen] HAHAHA!

Thanos: OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!

Thor: [retrieves Stormbreaker and lands before The Mad Titan] Oh, it's too easy. Hello again, Thanos. It is I, Thor, Son of Odin. You probably didn't recognise me because of the beard and the hair.

Thanos: How?

Thor: Anyway, [goes for the head] CHOP! HA! I didn't miss that time, you jerk!

Suddenly, Ant-Man appears.

Ant-Man: Aw man, I was gonna, like, go up his butt and make him explode!

Thor: Eeewwww! Why?

Ant-Man: Because it would've been really funny?

Thor: [leaving in disgust] That sounds disgusting.

Ant-Man: I mean I could go through his ear or his nose but his butt would've been hilarious!

We cut to black.

We fade to the funeral of Thanos, which is just like Tony's funeral in the movie. Thanos' meorial float is comprised of The Infinity Gauntlet and a tiny sign.

Sign: HE DEMANDED TOO MUCH SILENCE

We now see that the funeral is attended by Chucky, Hela, Voldemort, Joker, Harley Quinn, Electro, Loki, Zod, Jaws, Cobra Commander, Magneto, Khan, a Xenomorph, Predator, Pennywise, Freddy Kruger, Michael Myers, Jason, Maleficent, The T-800, a Dalek, a Cylon, the kid from Iron Man 3 all grown up and completely confused as to why he's here, Poison Ivy, Bane, and Bowser. We pan over to Palpatine.

Palpatine: No one's ever really gone. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

We cut to black as Palps laughs... and then cut to The Villain Pub Toilets where he greets a fully resurrected Thanos.

Palpatine: Welcome back, Thanos.

Thanos: *sigh*

Palpatine: Now plunge with all of your hatred!

Thanos begins to use a plunger to unclog his chair.

Palpatine: This place has been a disaster and the toilets aren't going to clean themselves! Goooooooood! Gooooooooooooooood!

Thanos: [grumbling] It was my time.

The End.