How Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Should Have Ended

Transcript
Open with Spider-Man's recap based off the movie with the Peter Parker from Miles' universe where he goes over previous HISHE's instead.

Spider-Man: Okay, let's go through this one more time. My name is Peter Parker. I've had several Spider-Man movies, and for the last 14 years, I've had a few "How It Should Have Ended"s. I jumped out of the way of some grenades, I argued with a talking lizard, I decided to become an Avenger, I uh, I even did this..

Andrew Garfield Spider-Man from TASM2 HISHE: (holding Batman at gunpoint) I will shoot this mortal man in the face!

Spider-Man: That one, that one got dark. I'm not gonna lie. But hey, at least I predicted the Marvel and Sony deal. So there's that! Anyway, for years, I've always had a second chance at how it should have-.

The Kid from Spider-Man 3 HISHE appears now as a late teenager.

Grown-up Kid: Spider-Man, would you stop narrating please?

Spider-Man: What? Wait, are you that same kid from forever ago?

Grown-up Kid: Yes.

Spider-Man: Wow. Now I feel old.

Grown-up Kid: You were narrating. It's still kind of unnecessary.

Spider-Man: But it's not! Look, kid, it's kind of my thing. I narrate. I'm sorry, it's just what I...

Grown-up Kid: NO NARRATING!

Spider-Man: Okay fine. Let's just see how Spider-Verse should have ended.

How Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse Should Have Ended

Open with Miles arriving at his class late.

Miss Calleros: Mr. Morales, you're late again.

Miles: Einstein said time was relative right? Maybe I'm not late. Maybe you guys are just early.

Cut to a view of the class.

Gwen: Hehehe. I'm sorry. It just was really quiet. Miss Calleros: Wait a minute, you're not one of my students! Who are you?!

Gwen: Uh... (starts glitching)

Everyone: Whoa! What was that?

Fast Forward to just before Spider-Man (Peter Parker from Miles' universe) is about to die. Miles is beside him.

Spider-Man: Swing up there, push the key, and blow it up. (gives him the USB) There's not much time.

Miles: But I don't know how to get up there.

Spider-Man: Don't worry. It's taken care of. (shoots a web to the ceiling near the control console) Here. Take this.

Miles takes the web and flings upwards.

Miles: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Miles hits his head as he is now beside the controls

Miles: (sees the USB port) Oh!

Fast Forward to when the villains are coming up with a plan after Miles and Peter B. Parker escape Alchemax.

Doctor Octopus: All we have to do is kill a couple of spiders and then we can bring your family back, as many families as you want.

Kingpin: Tomorrow, my collider.

Scientist 3 from Previous Spider-Man HISHE's: Here's a bright idea. Why don't you just do the thing now, instead of giving the good guys time to figure out a plan to stop you?

Kingpin: Good point. Not tomorrow, let's do it now. I'll see you at the collider.

Cut to later at the Villain Pub. Voldy and Joker look at Kingpin in concern.

Kingpin: So, I got my wife and kid back! Hehehehehe

Voldemort: Well, they're not really your wife and kid. You stole them from a different dimension.

Joker: Yeah, what if the other you gets super pissed and vows revenge? (chuckles)

Kingpin: That's not gonna happen.

A Kingpin from an alternate universe shows up via a portal, holding a gun.

AU Kingpin: YOU! I'LL KILL YOU! (attacks Kingpin)

Fast forward to when Prowler arrives at his apartment and Miles hides behind his TV in stealth mode. Prowler walks right up to his nephew.

Prowler: You know I have thermal vision, right? (activates his thermal vision) I can see you.

Miles' Thoughts: Play dumb!

Miles: No, you can't.

Miles' Thoughts: Not that dumb!

Miles: (as Prowler attacks) Agh!

Fast forward to when Prowler is about to kill Miles on the roof of Aunt May's house during the big fight. Miles reveals his identity to his uncle.

Miles: Uncle Aaron, please!

Kingpin: Prowler, what are you waiting for? Finish it.

Prowler can't bring himself to kill Miles. Suddenly, Miles' spidey sense goes off.

Miles: Spidey sense! (kicks him out of Kingpin's line of fire) Save your life!

Spider-Man (Peter B Parker) tackles Kingpin into the ground.

Peter B Parker: That's not nice! You alright kid?

Prowler: Whoa, thanks Miles. You saved my life.

Miles: You're welcome, Uncle Aaron.

The Spiders show up with Kingpin, Doctor Octopus, Tombstone, and Scorpion webbed up, literally.

Spider-Ham: But you're still going to prison!

Prowler: Aw man!

Fast forward to the final battle at Kingpin's collider. Kingpin stands over Miles while Miles' dad watches.

Kingpin: You took my family! Now I'm gonna make sure you never see yours again! Kingpin Smash! (smashes Miles with his fist like how he smashed the previous Spider-Man to death)

Jefferson Davis: Get up, Spider-Man.

Miles tries to get up... but Kingpin smashes him 3 more times and Miles dies as a result. Miles' comic gets removed from the pile.

OR...

Kingpin: You took my family! Now I'm gonna make sure you never see yours agai- (gets shot in the head by Miles' Dad and dies)

Miles: Dad?!

Jefferson Davis: Miles?!

Miles: I mean, uh... (coughs then deepens his voice) Thank you for your bravery tonight!

But this is how it really should have ended...

We see Miles chilling in his bedroom like in the actual movie's ending when a portal opens up.

Gwen: Miles! Miles! Got a minute?

We fade to Miles in The Super Cafe with The Spiders as well as Superman and Batman.

Spider-Gwen: We forgot to do your cafe scene!

Miles: Cafe scene?

Spider-Ham: It's like a tradition!

Superman: Hey, nice job, kid!

Miles: Is that Batman and Superman?

Peter B Parker: (to Miles) Yeah, they just sit here all the time and pass judgement on people's work, it's kind of sad but it's all they got so just go along with it. (to everyone) Hey fellas! Did you hear about how we saved the universe?!

Superman: Yes we did! Congratulations! I mean it's a miracle you and your dad survived that explosion without a scratch, but whatever!

Spider-Man Noir: I don't think that sounds weird.

Peni: Yeah, sounds normal to me!

Spider-Ham: I survive explosions all the time!

Superman: Bruce, what'd you think?

Batman: I don't know, felt like you copied a lot from the Bat-Universe if you asked me.

Peter B Parker: What?! Copied? How?

Batman: Uh, Spider-Man's batcave!

Peter B Parker: Plenty of heroes have a secret lair!

Batman: Family member dies in an alley!

Peter B Parker: That's like standard hero motivation!

Batman: Noir guy! You can't tell me he's not a Batman knock off! You're my favorite though by the way.

Spider-Man Noir: Thanks.

Batman: Pig man! I don't know, you remind me kind of like Looney Tunes, so WB, close enough.

Spider-Ham: And l'm not sorry!

Batman: And you three. Well, l can't really think of anything yet, but l'll think of something.

Miles: Why is Batman so grumpy?

Spider-Ham: Is it because he's Batman?

Peni: Should I offer him some candy?

Superman: Shh, l think you're just trying to find reasons to be negative.

Batman: No I'm not!

Superman: Yes you are!

Batman: Okay, you got me. I am. I don't mean any of it.

Peter B Parker: What do you mean?

Superman: Are you saying?

Batman: I'm saying l think you guys are the GOAT!

Miles: I don't think it's cool when he says that.

Spider-Ham: Greatest Of All Time?!

Spider-Man Noir: That's high praise!

Peter B Parker: Wow! Really?

Batman: (tearing up) When Miles tells Peter, "You gotta go home, man." and then sends him back to his universe, I'm just like, he really is the best of all of us!

Miles: Wow, Batman really liked our movie.

Batman: (starts crying) It's so inspiring! AAAAGHHH

Peter B Parker: Okay, let's turn it back a little there, Batman.

Batman: What's up Danger!

Superman: He's going through a lot right now. He's kind of in a transitional period.

Spider-Man Noir: Ugh, I know those onions.

Superman: I swear, you sound so familiar.

Spider-Man Noir: *shrugs* I don't know.

Superman: So is this gonna be like a thing now? You guys keep teaming up with other spiders in The Multiverse?

Peni: Works for me!

Spider-Ham: I don't have any plans!

Miles: I mean I hope so! We have to see where this is going right?

Spider-Gwen: What? Where what's going?

Miles: (places his hand on Gwen's shoulder) Hey.

Spider-Gwen: Oh! Hey.

Peter B Parker: Hey, great job kid! You didn't get your hand stuck in her hair this time!

Miles: What? How do you guys know about that?

Peter B Parker: What do you mean how do l know that? Everyone knows.

Spider-Ham: That's why I like my hands extra slippery!

Miles: You're embarrassing me!

Peni: We're a big family!

Spider-Man Noir: Our boy's all growd's up!

Batman: Man, I wish l could hang out will all the Batmen in the Bat Universe.

Batman's wish came true and he appears in the cafe which is a big booth of Batmen consisting of Michael Keaton Batman, 1939 Comics Batman, George Clooney Batman, DCAU Batman, Adam West Batman, Christian Bale Batman, LEGO Batman.

Batman: Alright, let me try and explain this to you. (Holds a normal french fry) This french fry is my universe. It's awesome and perfect. It can do anything. Your fries are different. (to Adam West Batman) This one is vintage and retro, kinda silly. That's yours. (to DCAU Batman) Your french fry is exactly what everybody wants, it's delicious. (to George Clooney Batman) And yours, your french fry has nipples. It's weird, it's gross. (throws the weird fry at him) We don't talk about your french fry.

George Clooney Batman: I have nipples on my chest, because l'm Batman.

Batman: No! I say "Because l'm Batman"!

George Clooney Batman: Why do you get to say it? I am Batman.

Batman: Because I'm Batman!

Adam West Batman: I, too, am also Batman, chum.

Batman: You're all Batman but I say "Because I'm Batman".

DCAU Batman: I also say I'm Batman because I'm Batman.

Batman: No! It's me! Because I'm Batman!

1939 Comics Batman: I'm Batman.

Batman: No! I'm Batman!

Christian Bale Batman: Because l'm Batman!

Michael Keaton Batman: I'm Batman.

Batman: I'm Batman!

Adam West Batman: I'm pretty sure I'm also Batman.

Ben Affleck Batman: I was Batman.

Every Batman argues quickly.

Batman Beyond: Did someone say Batman?

Batman: Ugh, this was a huge mistake.

THE END

♪Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a spider can again Y'all! Miles Morales! And his friends! Peter, Peni, Pig, Noir, and Spider-Gwen!♪

Cut to later in The Super Cafe where Miles tries to teach Batman the shoulder touch.

Batman: Okay, show me one more time.

Miles: (places his hand on Batman's shoulder) Hey.

Batman: So, it's like this. (places his hand on Miles' shoulder) Hey. Whassup?

Miles: NO it's not whussup. It's just... (places his hand on Batman's shoulder again) Hey.

Batman: (places his hand on Miles' shoulder again) Hey. I'm Batman.

Miles: No no! It's just... (places his hand on Batman's shoulder again) Hey.

Batman: (places his hand on Miles' shoulder again) Heeey. You wanna know my secret identity?!

Miles: (sigh) This is gonna take a while.

Batman: (places his hand on Miles' shoulder again) Hey, I'm Batman!