How Iron Man 2 Should Have Ended

Synopsis
In the final battle, Ivan Vanko leaves his computer to go suit up. Black Widow then finds that computer and is able to use it to reboot War Machine. Why stop there?

Transcript
Pretend we made this in 2010...

We open with Tony getting attacked by Whiplash at the Circuit de Monaco with Happy and Pepper screaming in fear.

Happy and Pepper: AAAAAGH!!!

Tony: Give me the case! Please! Come on!

Pepper gives him the Mark V armor, and Tony puts it on...

Whiplash: Uh oh! (Hits him with one of his whips)

...only to be decapitated by Whiplash.

Happy and Pepper: AAAAAGH!!!

Iron Man 2: How It Should Have Ended

We begin with Black Widow warning Iron Man and War Machine that Whiplash's drones are coming.

Black Widow: You've got incoming, Tony. Looks like the fight is coming to you.

Iron Man: Alright, they’re coming in hot. What’s the play?

Black Widow: Don't worry about it, boys! I'm still at Whiplash's terminal.

She hacks all of the drones causing them to shut down, and when they arrive at Stark and Rhodes' location, they're all powered down.

Iron Man: Okay.

War Machine: Yeah, save a few for us, eh Natasha.

Black Widow: Head up. You got one more drone incoming. This one looks different.

Cut to Whiplash flying towards the Expo. As he flies, he flaps his arms like a bird.

Whiplash: It is good to be back! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Iron Man: Alright!

War Machine: Now time for some real action!

Black Widow: Never mind. (shuts down Whiplash's systems)

Whiplash: Uh oh.

Black Widow: Shut that one down as well.

Whiplash: (crash lands) Ow!

Iron Man: Okay, you're still hacking.

Black Widow: Yeah, he really shouldn't have left his computer like this.

Whiplash: He he he he. You lose. (all the drones' reactors start flashing red)

War Machine: Oh crap, Tony! These drones are rigged to blow! We got to get out of here man!

Iron Man: Okay! One last chance to be the hero! Let's go! (all of the drones get disarmed just in time)

Black Widow: I got 'em.

Iron Man: OH, COME ON!

We fade to Randy's Donuts, which kinds of acts as the Super Café with Iron Man finishing the story.

Superman: Wow. Without a certain someone, it sounds like that whole story would have went sideways.

Iron Man: All in a day's work. I mean, that's just the price you pay when, you're Iron Man.

Superman: Not you!

Iron Man: You mean Rhodey?

Superman: I'm talking about her!

Superman points to Black Widow fighting people fighting outside.

Iron Man: Oh, you mean the assistant?

Superman: Yeah! She's the real hero! Look at her go! She's awesome!

Batman starts having interest in her.

Singer: ♪Oh mama.♪

Batman: Yeah.

Singer: ♪Girl, you make me, crazy. ♪

Batman: Welp, see you guys.

The World's Greatest Detective leaves to see Black Widow. He slides up to lean on a car before flirting with her.

Batman: Hey, what's up? I'm Batman. I see you like to wear black leather and beat the crap out of bad guys.

Black Widow: (flirts with Batman) Yeah.

Batman: I like to do that too.

Black Widow: Oh I can do a LOT more than kick the crap out of bad guys.

Batman: Oh really?

Black Widow: I can kick the crap out of good guys as well!

Batman laughs at that before we cut back inside.

Superman: She is awesome! What's her origin story? Are we gonna learn about her next?

Nick Fury: Nah.

Superman: But, you just introduced her. Why wouldn't you?

Nick Fury: I don't know. It just doesn't feel like it's the right time, you know?

Iron Man: Yeah because, Hello! I'm the star! Remember? I made a new reactor from my dad's Disneyland map. I'm more awesome now! Remember my story? Nobody is interested in the new girl!

Cut back outside.

Batman: You are soooo interesting! You wanna know my secret identity?

Black Widow: You're Bruce Wayne. Billionaire who fights crime from a secret base under your home with a bunch of unlicensed weapons and gadgets.

Batman: Whoa!

Black Widow: And single.

Batman: How did you know all of that?

Black Widow: Because I'm Black Widow.

Batman: Oh my gosh! I love you!

Cut back inside

Superman: I think I'm seeing a LOT of interest.

Iron Man: I think you're wrong.

Nick Fury: I mean maybe if like 10 years go by, or if she dies or something, then we can get around to it. Unless there's a global pandemic, then it'll have to be after that. Unless there's some sort of online streaming option, in which case, still no. But after all of that! Then we can tell her story!

Superman: Cool, then she can be the first girl Avenger!

Nick Fury: Nah, we'll probably give it to Captain Marvel or something before that.

Superman: Sounds like a huge missed opportunity.

Iron Man: Sounds great to me!

Nick Fury: Anyways, I gotta bounce! I gotta see about another potential leading man. This one has a hammer.

Superman: Yeah, that sounds fun, and new.

Nick Fury: Oh it will be... by the time we get to the third one. But one thing is for sure... There is absolutely nobody alive who is interested in MORE Black Widow!

Black Widow and Batman are making out beside the window and fighting the nameless bad guys at the same time.

Nick Fury: HOLY CRAP, SHE'S FLIRTING WITH THE COMPETITION!

Superman: I told you! There is tons of interest!

Nick Fury: THIS IS JUST TOO FAR! BAD BATMAN! BAD!

Batman: You're so amazing!

Black Widow: YOU'RE so amazing!

Batman: You kick butt so good!

Black Widow: YOU kick butt so good!

Nick Fury: WE GOTTA SPLIT THEM UP! DO YOUR MIND ERASE THING ON THEM OR SOMETHIN'!

Superman: What?! Why? It's adorable! Let them have their fun!

Batman: I WILL LEAVE DC FOR YOU!

Superman: Okay, I'll do it.

Later, Fury and Black Widow are gone. Batman looks at Superman and Iron Man before checking his phone. He notices Black Widow's phone number is in his contacts.

Batman: You erased my memory, didn't you?

Superman: How did you know that?

Singer: ♪Oh mama.♪

Batman: BECAUSE I'M BLACK WIDOW-! I mean...Batman. Because I'm Batman.

Brief silence.

Iron Man: *punches the table while speaking* PAY! ATTENTION! TO ME!!

The End.