How Sonic The Hedgehog Should Have Ended

Characters

 * Sonic the Hedgehog
 * Miles "Tails" Prower
 * Knuckles the Echidna
 * Amy Rose
 * Shadow the Hedgehog
 * Rouge the Bat
 * Silver the Hedgehog
 * Big the Cat
 * Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik
 * Badnik Carreys
 * Ace Ventura
 * The Grinch
 * Edward Nygma/The Riddler
 * Vera di Milo
 * Lloyd Christmas
 * Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask
 * Truman Burbank
 * Fire Marshall Bill
 * Tom "Donut Lord" Wachowski
 * Maddie Wachowski
 * Crazy Carl
 * Wade Whipple
 * Longclaw
 * Mario

Transcript
We open with Sanic dashing by a SEGA-styled HISHE logo.

Singers: HI-SHE!

Cut to the final battle with Sonic glowing.

Sonic: This is my power! And I'm not using it to run away anymore! I'm using it to protect my-

Suddenly Tails starts talking through a comm.

Tails: Sonic? Sonic?

Sonic: What the...

Tails: On your left!

Several ring portals open, revealing Tails, Amy, Knuckles, Silver, Blaze, Big, Rouge, and Shadow.

Sonic: Uh... who are you?

Tails: You don't know it yet, but we're your friends too!

Sonic: Oh really?

Amy: Yeah!

Dr. Robotnik: Oh no! You are not doing that! If you're going to have an Avengers portal scene knockoff, then I'm going to have one too! Say hello to my robot friends!

Robot versions of the Grinch, Ace Ventura, the Riddler, Vera di Milo, Lloyd Christmas, the Mask, Truman Burbank, and Fire Marshall Bill appear.

Sonic: Your friends look weird!

Robotnik: Your mom looks weird! Ha!

Sonic: Wow.

Robotnik: As I was saying... Badnik Carreys... Attack!

The Badnik Carreys and Sonic and friends charge into battle.

Ace: Yes come to me my jungle friends!

Mask: Somebody stop him!

Sonic: I'll take that! (yanks his quill from Robotnik's Prototype)

Robotnik: Hey! Give that back!

Sonic: I don't think so!

Robotnik: I'll kill you!

The two then zoom off, Robotnik firing missiles at Sonic.

Riddler: Riddle me this. Riddle me that. Who's afraid of my big black ba-

Amy swings her hammer at the Riddler, who is sent flying.

Bill: Let me show you something!

Blaze: Let me show YOU something!

Blaze sets Bill on fire.

Mask: Smokin!

Rouge appears next to the Mask.

Rouge: Hey there.

Mask: Smokin?

Rouge kicks the Mask, causing his eyes and tongue to bulge out. Meanwhile, Big faces off against the Grinch.

Big: Oh, you're a mean one, aren't you?

Grinch: I do not like you strange furry beast! I do not like you! Not even the least!

Big hooks his fishing rod on the Grinch...

Grinch: AH! I'm feeling!

...and flings him away as Sonic continues to run from Robotnik.

Sonic: Gettin' sloppy, Eggman! What's wrong? Runnin' out of moves?

Robotnik: This isn't even half of what I'm capable of!

Lloyd: Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Silver: Is it this?

Silver uses his psychokinesis on a Mutt Cutts truck, crushing Lloyd.

Sonic: Too easy!

Truman: (as he is carried away by Tails) Good afternoon, good evening, and good night.

Sonic: Too friendly!

Tails drops Truman into a car.

Ace: (now in drag) I'm ready to go in, Coach! Just give me a chance!

Shadow: I'm gonna execute a butt kick pattern... Super slow mo.

Shadow proceeds to do just that.

Ace: Let's not see that in an instant replay.

Shadow: All righty then.

Shadow sends Ace flying.

Vera glares, growling.

Knuckles: Hey horseface! I've only got one question for you.

Vera: What is it?

Knuckles: Do you know da wae... to my fist?

Knuckles uppercuts Vera.

One asskicking montage later...

Robotnik: Hey hey hey! That is enough! You all seem to be forgetting that I am in charge here! Me! Dr. Robotnik! That's Dr. R-O-B-

Wade then shoots Robotnik.

Robotnik: Darnit. (dies)

Sonic: Oh gosh!

Wade: I got him! I'm sorry he was just blowing up the town so I just thought I'm a cop... and I have a gun so... I'm sorry we just don't need any more chaos.

Chaos, holding the Chaos Emeralds, sighs in disappointment.

But since that didn't happen, this is how it really should have ended...

Cut to Tom bursting into his garage as Sonic is about to flee to the mushroom planet.

Tom: San Francisco PD pending background check!

Sonic: Uh... meow?

Tom: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sonic: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!

Tom fires his tranq gun... and time freezes.

Sonic: Poor guy. Trying to shoot me with a dart. If I wasn't super fast and fully capable of dodging speeding objects I would think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship together. Hmm. That does sound pretty cool! Maybe I should let the dart hit me? Nah. I should remember what that random owl lady taught me...

Flashback to Longclaw.

Longclaw and Sonic: Always run from your problems!

Back to the present...

Sonic: Good bye, Donut Lord. It was never meant to be.

Time goes back to normal, and the dart hits the ground as Tom gasps.

Tom: What the heck?

Sonic: OK, Mushroom planet, here I come! (throws ring and enters) Gotta go fast! Oh! This place isn't so bad! It's actually kind of cool! I wonder what kind of people live here...

Sonic stops as he realizes exactly who lives in there...

Sonic: Oh it's you.

Mario: It's-a-me, Mario!

Cue credits.

Cut to the scene where Tom and Maddie sneak Sonic into the Transamerica Building.

Sonic: (hiding in Tom's duffel bag) How much longer? I can't breathe in here!

Woman: Do you have your child in that bag?

Tom: No... I mean yes, it's a child, but it's not mine.

Man: It's not your child?

Tom: No. No it's not.

Woman: (backing away) Yeah this is very strange behavior. I would just hate myself if I didn't call the police right now.

Tom: Oh it's okay. I am the police!

Woman: I'm just gonna call it in anyways.

THE END

Trivia

 * As in the actual Sonic film, this HISHE contains several references to Sonic memes:
 * The SEGA-inspired HISHE logo replaces Sonic with the infamous "Sanic" drawing.
 * Sonic, as in the film, says, "Gotta go fast!", a reference to the Sonic X theme song.
 * Knuckles asks Vera, "Do you know da wae?", a reference to the catchphrase of the infamous Ugandan Knuckles meme.